


A Life Left Unfinished

by tqpannie



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tqpannie/pseuds/tqpannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Cooper returns to Twin Peaks after 12 years.  His career path is uncertain and he has been staring into the dark for a long time.  Amends aren't made in one day but relationships do survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And the World Turned

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Lynzee005 for the beta and feedback. This is the first story that I've written in 7 years and the first one ever outside of the Harry Potter Fandom. So be gentle and kind when reading. We'll see how this goes. I hope you enjoy the journey.

My plane took off an hour ago from Ronald Reagan and will arrive in Spokane by noon.   My mind is filled with Audrey and the anticipation of seeing her again sends a shivers up my spine.  There are certain truths about myself, truths that make a damn good field Agent.   My sense of control is the most necessary: control of my thoughts, my reactions, and my needs.  I can anticipate how a fellow Agent is going to react to a case, how a suspect is going to behave under questioning, and how local law enforcement is going to deal with my perceived invasion into their community.

I came close to losing my self-control over an 18-year-old Audrey Horne-I told her one time that what I want and what I need were two different things.  I took an oath to uphold certain values, values that I swore to live by but Audrey Horne challenged those very values from the first moment I met her.  She had no idea that what I wanted and what I needed were her.  I shoved my feelings for her so deep down that I believed myself to be in love with Annie Blackburn. Annie who was so much like Caroline, Annie with the scars on her wrists from trying to take her own life, and I thought since I couldn’t save Caroline that saving Annie would make up for it.   It was only after I pursued Windom Earle into the lodge that I realized I couldn’t tell Annie and Caroline apart in my heart.  

 

It was Audrey who saved me and not for the first time in our relationship.  I spent a week in the hospital and refused all visitors except for Albert, Denise, Gordon, and Harry.   Harry had talked to Ben Horne who was gracious about the wrecked hotel room.   Audrey, I was foolish enough to push away again.  I was damaged, I knew I was damaged, and she deserved more.   She had stood outside my hospital room every day and finally forced her way into my room. I told in no uncertain terms that our deal stood but she was still a high school girl, I was an Agent, and she was part of my case.   Albert apparently had to hold Harry back when he threatened to enter my room and knock some sense into me.  

Harry didn’t tell me until much later about the explosion and how Audrey barely clung to life. She was in a coma for two weeks. No one told me that she watched Pete, who had become a good friend to her, get blown to bits in the bank explosion, or that Catherine had died saving Audrey’s life.    I heard Audrey screaming a couple nights before I left, her cries echoing through the hallways from her suite. I couldn’t find her to say goodbye before I left the hotel in the morning and I hated to leave things the way I had foolishly left them in the hospital.   Harry said that Ben had bought Catherine and Pete’s house for her. Audrey and Pete had developed a friendship of sorts after John Justice Wheeler left.   She spent a considerable amount of time fishing at the lake with Pete and Ben thought it would allow her the rest she so desperately needed.  Harry said the lake seemed to calm her and that the Bookhouse Boys were taking care of her.  He said if I was going to hurt her further I shouldn’t see her again. I just left without saying goodbye and went back to DC.   

I’m not sure she knows I’m coming for the ceremony and I only have a thin control at best on my feelings for Audrey.    My feelings haven’t changed in the last twelve years and I continue refuse to put a name to them.   There’s been no one since I left Twin Peaks, not a one-night stand, not a relationship, and the only woman that passes through my mind is Audrey.   There have been very few nights that she hasn’t filled my dreams, twelve years of making love to her in my sleep only to wake and have the illusion stripped from me.   I want the real thing, and I want her.  Before I met Audrey I rarely felt the need to take myself in hand and satisfy the baser need of sexual release.  I’m objectifying her damn it and she’s not just…It’s not just sexual attraction.  It’s more, it was always more.  At eighteen she was intelligent beyond her years, she was funny, and she was so damn beautiful that it was painful to know someone was going to snatch her away before she grew up enough for me to stake a claim.

Audrey is all grown up now, she’s thirty. She has dual master degrees in criminology and psychology, she works for the Twin Peaks Sherriff's office, and she’s being promoted to Chief Deputy. I didn’t have the heart to ask Harry if she was seeing anyone and I’m not sure I wanted to hear the answer in the first place.

The invite to her swearing in ceremony came from Harry.   He mentioned I should bring my tuxedo as there is a formal celebration at the Great Northern after the ceremony.   I’ve not heard from Audrey since that day I sent her away, the day she walked out of my hospital room, and the day I knew I had broken the heart of the person I cared about most.

Harry has made arrangements for me to stay at the Great Northern in room 315. I need to do this for my peace of mind, to ensure any lingering doubt about evil that might reside in me is no longer a threat, and I want to remember those moments between Audrey and I.  Innocent but not so innocent below the surface and both of us knew it.

Audrey still lives in Pete and Catherine’s, well it’s not their home any longer is it? It’s Audrey’s home now.   Harry says she remodeled the place, made it her own, and the two of them spend a great deal of time fishing together.  Their lives seem very entangled together more so than that of normal work associates and I am jealous at their closeness.   

I’m startled from my thoughts by the flight attendant welcoming us Spokane. His voice pulls me back to reality and I mentally run down the list of things I have to accomplish when we land.  I have to rent a car, I have to update Diane, and I have to meet Harry and Albert at the Double R for coffee and pie.  

“Diane, this isn’t an official record but old habits are hard to break even on vacation.  I arrived in Spokane right on time and it’s now 12:30 p.m. on August 13th.  The rental car charges were more extravagant this time around, most likely because I chose a jeep versus the town car the bureau paid for the last time I was in Twin Peaks.   The temperature is seventy-four degrees and there is a slight breeze.  I am 10 miles outside of Twin Peaks and I can’t decide if I should head to the Great Northern first or go meet Harry and Albert.”  

I saw the flashing light behind me before I heard the siren, this was not going to be humiliating at all.   I’m fairly certain that no matter who it is that pulls me over, I’m not going to hear the end of it the entire time that I am in town.  I clicked off my recorder and set it on the seat beside me before guiding the jeep to the shoulder of the road.   I rolled down my window and watched as Sheriff jeep pulled in front of me, the officer inside turned off the siren but left the lights on, and opened the door.  I recognized her immediately and even if she hasn’t realized it’s me yet, I know it’s her immediately.   I can see it in the sway of her hip, in the seriousness of her face, and even the fearless way she walks towards my jeep.

“Audrey?” Her name spills from my lips for the first time in twelve years, or rather the first time in daylight. “Audrey?”

“License and registration,” Audrey says, her face is solemn, and I can read the fear in her eyes.  “Agent Cooper, what horrific crime has brought you back to Twin Peaks?”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was here on vacation?   I always intended to return and—” My voice trails off as her expression changes.

She looks angry and I can tell she isn’t pleased to see me.  I’m fairly certain that I don’t want to get into an argument on the side of a road by telling her I’m here for her.   I also don’t want to get Harry to face the wrath that I’m fairly certain that is just under the surface of Audrey’s professionalism. I hand her my license and a small smile plays around the corner of her mouth.   She quickly stifles it and looks back at me.

“I’m going to need you to step out of the car,” She opens the door, “Keep your hands where I can see them and then place them against the vehicle.”  

“Audrey?”   I step out of the car and follow her instructions.  I’m not quite sure what is going on here and I don’t know if she’s playing a game or if she just wants to humiliate me.

“Agent Cooper,” Audrey’s voice is firm and she begins to pat me down. “Any weapons besides the gun in your holster?”

There is a roaring in my ears and every single place she touches is on fire.   She couldn’t not possible realize the havoc she is wreaking on my senses. She is still wearing the same damn perfume she wore twelve years ago and it brings back memories that scent lingering in my sheets after we shared malts and fries.

“No,” I managed to croak out when she stops patting me down and before I know what’s happening she’s leading towards the sheriff vehicle, “Can I ask what the actual problem is?”

“You were speeding, about twenty-five over the limit,” I opened my mouth to deny it.  “I would have let that go with a warning and sent you on your way if it had just been that.”

She opens the back door to her jeep and motions for me to get in.  Our eyes lock and my heart rate skyrockets.  I can barely breathe as I look in her eyes and I want to tell her--Tell her I was a fool, that she was always who I wanted, and when I open my mouth to say just that she breaks contact.   “Your driver’s license is expired.”

I sat in the backseat, knowing this was far worse that if Andy had caught me or even Hawk.  Audrey was going to enjoy this.   I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me in the rearview mirror, they were glittering with amusement, like this was the most fun she had in weeks, and when she picked up the CB radio I knew my humiliation wouldn’t end here.

“Agent Cooper, as you know here in Twin Peaks we take the law very seriously,” Audrey smiled again.  “I don’t believe that it’s necessary to book you into the station for such a minor infraction.   However, I need to alert my superior.”

Harry, I thought, just great, and now I am really not going to live this down.  The only thing that would make it better is if Albert were already in Twin Peaks.

“Sheriff Truman?”   Audrey grinned as she spoke into her radio.  “I’ve just pulled over one Dale Bartholomew,” She released the button for a moment and sniggered.  “Cooper for excessive speed and I was going to give him a warning, however, his driver's license is expired.”

“Audrey, where are you at?”  Harry's voice came over the radio and I couldn’t tell if he was amused or angry with Audrey.  “Never mind, I see you.   Albert’s with me so I’ll just have him bring Coop’s rental back to the station.”

I sunk down as far in my seat as possible and muttered about how It would have been kinder for Audrey to just shoot me versus me having to face Harry and Albert.   More flashing lights filled the rearview mirror and a small part of the hoped Harry would just let this slide.  I was an agent of the FBI…I wasn’t on a case…but still maybe for old time sake Harry would just let this slide, I could go hide in my room at the Great Northern, and try again tomorrow with Audrey.

I watched Harry approach, big smile on his face, and Audrey stepped back out jeep and met Harry at the rear bumper.

“Sheriff,” Audrey nodded and waved to the jeep that was now parked behind mine, “Albert!”   Harry glanced at Audrey, then at me, and when he opened the door I was too distracted by the fact that Audrey was making her way towards Albert.

“Coop,” Harry grinned.  “You do know how to make an entrance into town don’t you?  I’m am kind of stuck here-you can’t drive while you’re in town.   Unless you plan to move here and get a Washington State license.”

I can’t tell Harry what my plans are.  They are contingent on the young lady who has me trapped in the back of her police vehicle, the housing market, and transfer I put in for going through.   If the first two things work out who knows.  I might be asking Harry for a job but I can’t tell him all that—I’m not even sure there isn’t something going on between Harry and Audrey.

“You didn’t tell her I was coming did you, Harry?” I turn my head to see her embrace Albert.  “She knew Albert was coming?”

Harry cleared his throat and watched Audrey walk back towards us with Albert.  There was a fondness in his gaze and I wondered if I was too late. Could my inaction twelve years ago cost me the future?  The deal we made-or rather she insisted on…what if Harry…  Not Harry’s fault of course.  I hadn’t confided in him; I hadn’t confided in anyone.

“Coop, how long are you here for, just the ceremony and gala?”  Albert glanced at Audrey then back at me.  “Coop can you give me your keys?  I’ll get your, what _is_ that you’re driving?  Do you have any idea of what that gas guzzler does to the environment?  I’ll get your stuff up to the Great Northern and get you checked in.”

The wind picked up and blew several strands of Audrey’s hair across her forehead and my fingers itched to tuck them back behind her ears, and I felt my cheeks heat when she caught me staring.

“So, Audrey,” I cleared my throat and felt my stomach flip in on itself when she smiled. “Can you drop me at the diner.  I think I’m going to need coffee and pie.”

“Coop, Albert and I will meet you there,” Harry smiled at Audrey, “Audrey drop him off and fill out the appropriate paperwork, Lucy wanted me to remind you that the kids were coming around to see you and Garland out at your place at four.”

I reached into my pocket to get my keys, “Albert can you bring my tape recorder.  It’s on the front seat of the car I was talking—anyway I really don’t want to be with it out it.”  

I handed over my keys and Albert tossed them up in the air, catching them, and I heard Harry muttering something about show off and I watched the exchange between my two best friends.  Audrey climbed back into the front seat and turned her siren on for a second.   

“Boys, what have I told you about the public displays of affection?”  She grinned, tipped her hat, and I think Albert gave her the middle finger as she drove off towards town.  “You didn’t know? Huh, for an FBI agent you sure missed those signals.”

“How have you been Audrey?   I’ve been following your career,” I began and I met her eyes in the rearview mirror again. “You’ve done well.”

“Career wise I’m accomplished.   I’m fine really,  you didn’t, I mean that time didn’t take anything important away from me. Well, I guess I'm not really fine, I have a therapy dog now.  I just don’t bring him with me to work.   HIs name is Garland.  Do you know why I named him Garland?  Major Briggs, I just adored Major Briggs and of course he’s named after Judy because who doesn’t love a woman who sang about hope when her life was so tragic.  Johnny, you remember my brother Johnny?   He seems to be getting better.  He was able to attend both my commencements and my graduation from the police academy.”  Audrey sighed, “Friends don’t miss out on their friends accomplishment.   Harry never did, neither did Albert or Denise for that matter.”

“Audrey-” I don’t even sound like myself, the hurt radiating from her entire being has rendered me speechless and the next words out of my mouth seem to just fan the flames of her annoyance.  “I always knew you--”

“Is that what you wanted to know? That’s all you can think to say to me after twelve years?  You sound like a proud Uncle.” Audrey growled out cutting me off.  

I could see the Double RR coming up on the right and I had to say something, anything to make her stop talking this way, to make her my Audrey again, “I would really like to talk to you Audrey.  We were friends.”

Audrey turned into the parking lot and pulled into one of the spots around the back.  She slammed the car into park and turned around to look at me.   

“We were more than friends and we both knew it, “Audrey whispers.  “How did it feel when you found out that I was involved with John Justice Wheeler? **Did** it feel like someone was sitting on your chest so you couldn’t breath—the way it felt when I saw Annie leaving your room?” Audrey took a shuddering breath, “She was 20, Agent Cooper, only two years older than me.   She wasn’t off limits.”  

“Audrey—age” I started to speak and she shook her head.

“Not here Agent Cooper, I’m working, I’ve got reports to file, and I’ve got Lucy’s kids coming.”  Audrey took a deep breath and our eyes liked in the mirror, “Do you want to talk?”

“More than anything, Audrey.”  My stomach flipped and flopped, like it was full of tiny butterflies, beating their wings trying to get out.  “I’m going to be at the Great Northern.”

“No, I had Albert cancel your reservation, you’ll be staying with me.”

“Audrey, that really wouldn’t be proper,” I sputtered. “I can’t just stay with you.”

“Agent Cooper, my home is large, it has six bedrooms, three baths, a huge front porch, and three coffee makers,” Audrey sighed.  “Do you really think I have the intention of seducing you tonight?  I’ve been working since four this morning.   Harry and Albert are coming for dinner and I have to be up early to prepare for my swearing in ceremony. Not to mention the fact that I am thirty years old and I can do what I want.”

She opened her door, jumped down from the seat, and opened the backdoor, “Agent Cooper?” She whispered as I climbed out of the backseat, extending her hand, she shook mine.  “I make no promises after tonight.”  Her thumb brushed across my knuckles and I stood there frozen, aching to pull her towards me, to feel her body flush against mine, and all I wanted in life at that very moment was one taste of her lips.

“Audrey,” I cleared my throat several times and stepped away.  “You can call me Dale.”

“Dale,” She grinned.  “You can call me Chief Horne.”


	2. Breathe Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Cooper has lunch with Harry and Albert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Lynzee005 for the beta and feedback. I'm actually glad to be writing again! Chapter title is from the song Breathe by Anna Nalick

I stood in the parking lot and watched Audrey signal right and turn back towards the Sheriff's office. The parking lot wasn’t full and it appeared that I would have a few moments to gather my thoughts before Harry and Albert arrived.  Audrey had thrown me off-center and so many conflicted emotions hit me in the parking lot.   Audrey and I had never spent time here together but now she’s all I can think about.   My hand still tingled from where Audrey had briefly grasped it.   

I needed to find something to ground my emotions and center myself.  Part of my truth in coming here again is that I had to accept the fact that this is where I met Annie.  I couldn’t ignore the fact I was kinder to her than I was to Audrey when I removed her from my life.  Perhaps Annie had just made it easier, going to teach at a convent/boarding school in Bulgaria.  Norma had forgiven me for what happened to Annie.  I spoke with her at great length before I left town.  Annie recovered but retreated back into her shell and Norma lost her all over again.  

I spun around looking for something, anything to fight off the impending panic attack.  I finally made a full circle and looked towards the back of the lot.  If I listened closely I could hear water rushing over stone, I could smell the Douglas Fir and gazed at the tree tops swaying in the breeze, and the sky seemed to open up and I felt the sting of a cold raindrops on my cheek.  I looked up at the sky and let myself get lost in the one truth that I could live with today.

“Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship.”  I repeated the phrase over and over in my head but it wasn’t my voice it was her voice and as I took deep breaths it was as close to meditation as I could get without losing myself completely.

I remembered the day she quoted that back to me, the way the tears glistened in her eyes, and how she blinked them back. I hadn’t upheld my end of the bargain; I ran from her, and I took so long to come back.   I believed I was doing the honorable thing, wearing my integrity like a shield to protect her from me   Yet, despite upholding one version of the code the rest were put on a shelf somewhere in the back of my brain.  There was no bravery when I let her go for the second time.  There were too many pieces of me that needed to be put back together.  

I just didn’t think it would take this long to find that bravery again; bravery to follow through on the fidelity which was the one vow I never broke, that I would never break again. There was no one but Audrey. 

I didn’t think it would take this long to put those shattered pieces together.  I forgot Audrey had been shattered too, shattered in ways that I couldn’t possibly imagine because I didn’t talk to her.  I talked at her, like she was a child who needed to be reprimanded. Suddenly I wished that Albert had let Harry knock some sense into me. 

Harry and Albert pulled into the parking lot as I moved around the building towards the entrance.  I lifted my hand in greeting as they pulled up, before taking a deep breath and pushing open the door.    

“Let me guess,” Norma smiled from behind the counter and picked up a pot of coffee.  “Coffee and pie?”

I nodded and crossed the room and slid into a booth as far away from the door as possible.   I no longer sit with my back to the door, I haven’t in years, and as Albert hung up  his coat up Harry slid  into the booth across from me. 

“Sorry about you getting pulled over,” Harry shrugged.  “Audrey’s good at her job but I am fairly certain that pulling you over was a shock to her system.”

“Coop, what Harry is so eloquently trying to tell you is that he fucked up.   He didn’t tell Audrey you were coming because frankly he’s scared of her.  She took him down during hand to hand combat in what seven minutes?”

“Well she took you down in less than three,” Harry nudged Albert’s shoulder.  “It wasn’t even sport to her. It was like watching a lion take down a gazelle.”

Albert leaned closer to Harry, “There is only one person in this backwater town that I would let pin me to a mat willingly.”  

I studied the two of them, surprised by the ease with which they showed affection in public, and while I had questions there was no doubt they were, as one might say, bonded to each other.   I felt a twinge of jealousy—not because of any romantic feelings I might have but because my dreams seemed so far away and theirs were tangible, they were here, and they hadn’t tossed each other aside when business in Twin Peaks was complete. 

“I always knew Audrey was going to be impressive,” I cleared my throat and paused as Norma delivered my pie and topped off my coffee.  “Norma-coffee is still the best I ever had.” 

“Why Agent Cooper, I believe that’s why I send you a bag every month.” Norma grinned. 

“It’s just not the same unless you make it,” I took a bite of my pie and I swear my eyes rolled back in my head.  “Norma, there is nowhere on God’s earth that has pie like yours.  It’s almost enough— “ 

Norma filled Albert and Harry’s cups and I sat there silently eating my pie.  I waited until Norma left the table and looked directly at Harry. 

“Why didn’t you tell her I was coming, Harry?”  

Harry glanced at Albert, then at me, “Look Coop, it’s like this.   I love Audrey, she’s like a kid sister but she’s not happy,” Harry sighed.  “ She may be one of the finest officers I’ve ever worked with, present company excluded.  It’s all she is though.”   Harry ran his hand over his face and looked at Albert.   “She was shot in the line of duty last year.  On her birthday, by Jerry Horne.”

I put my fork down and take a long drink of coffee.   My hand is trembling and the cup clatters against the table when I set it down. 

My voice is soft against the roaring in my ears.  “Why didn’t you call me; I would have come.  I was ready to come a year ago and I was afraid I was too late that you and she were…”

Albert scoffed, “You really were blind weren’t you when it came to me and Harry?   You were jealous of Harry and Audrey?”  

Albert couldn’t stop laughing and my fingers were clenched so tightly against the edge of the table.  My eyes met Harry’s and he shrugged his shoulders, “He may be an asshole but he’s the asshole I need.” 

 

“Harry, how bad,” I swallowed hard.  “How severe were her injuries?”  

Norma came by and topped off our coffee and I looked down at my hands.  My mind was racing, a year ago I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork on a case out of Maine .  I was doing paperwork when Audrey was shot. Paperwork that could have been completed by Diane or the junior agent that worked the case with me.      

“Harry,” I lifted my head to meet his eyes.  “How bad?”

Harry cleared his throat and sighed, “Audrey went in first, into the department store. She thought Jerry wouldn’t hurt her. It was a human trafficking operation.” 

My stomach was tied up, clenched into knots, and I felt sick.   There was a thin sheen of sweat on my forehead and I struggled to refocus on what Harry was saying. I ran a shaking hand through my hair, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Harry, and took another drink of coffee to calm myself. 

“She was shot twice, once in the leg as she dove behind a display.”  Harry’s voice broke and he couldn’t meet my eyes. 

Albert continued the story, his own eyes had a mysterious sheen to them. “Jerry got a second shot off. Harry was unprotected. Hawk said he never saw anything like it.  She leaped across the display and knocked Harry out of the way.   Hawk wounded Jerry but Audrey was hit in chest, bullet to the lung.” 

“Why didn’t you inform me?”  My voice cracks and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly as I picture Audrey laying on the floor bleeding from two gunshot wounds.  “So much wasted time and I could...”

“Would of, could of, should of, Coop.” Albert said firmly.  “Point is you’re here now and you have a chance to make this all right again.  Restore balance as it were."

Harry sipped his coffee, his voice as heavy with remorse.  “I’m sorry, Coop, I did a lousy job protecting her and there is more to the story of her being shot.  But it’s her story to tell and I’m already in a world of hurt by telling you as much as I have.”

“Not to mention you invited him here without telling her,” Albert cut in.  “You’re making us all go to this foolish celebration at the Great Northern tomorrow night.”   

“But we’re having dinner at Audrey’s tonight and we’ve got to get Coop settled in,” Harry smiled. “Umm…we’ll be grilling steaks.   Audrey does cook but we prefer she doesn’t try. Last time Albert had a touch of— “

“Woman tried to kill me, Harry,” Albert groaned at the memory.  “I don’t know how she survives up there by herself.   No staff except a cleaning crew. I think she can make soup—maybe.” 

“If we stop at the market I can make baked potatoes and roast vegetables to go with the rest of the meal.”  I pulled a notepad out of my coat pocket and wrote the items down.  “Potatoes, zucchini, pepper, eggplant, and wine?”  

“Beer,” Albert sneered.  “This one here got me enjoying the taste.

“You know Albert,” I couldn’t help but grin, “How is it possible that Harry puts up with you?  

“I’m completely charming when I want to be,” Albert slid out of the booth after Harry.  “Besides the view from behind helps me forget about the small town.”

“Albert…” The was a good natured warning in Harry’s voice and to be honest I suddenly felt dreadfully lonely.  

“The two of you are lucky,” I can hear the wistfulness in my voice. “I wish…”

Harry grabbed my arm and marched me outside to the Sheriff’s truck while Albert settled up with Norma. 

“Coop,” Harry leaned against the truck and glared at me.  “This is your chance; you can’t blow it this time.  You don’t have the excuses.  You may be my best friend but I consider Audrey the finest woman I have ever met.   You need to get it together because if there were ever two people that needed each other more than you two I can’t imagine who they might be.”  

“Harry, I know it’s not right for me to ask but has there been anyone else since I left?  Is there someone now?”  

“There might have been at school but since, no,” Harry studied me closely, “For you?”

“No and even when there was Annie,” I can’t meet Harry’s eyes. “It was always Audrey. I was scared.  I’m still scared…”  I scratch my head.  “Did Albert really cancel my reservations at the Great Northern?”

“Yeah, I reckon he did,” Harry chuckled, “We’re all a little afraid of her.  Except for Hawk.  He was brave enough to teach her how to accurately throw a knife.”

Albert finally came out the door and I was still trying to imagine Audrey throwing a knife with skill I just stood there while Harry climbed into the jeep.   

“Coop,” Albert shook my shoulder, “Are you getting in the car?  Harry needs to get back to the station and I need to take you out to Audrey.”

“You really need to take me out to Audrey?”  I raised my eyebrow. “Albert, I realize you and Harry live together and the two of you have decided to play match maker. Are you offering me up to Audrey as…”?

“Cooper, I just meant her place.   You can’t even get inside yet.   I’m going to drive you out in your gas guzzling, climate change causing vehicle and show you the best spot to just sit and watch the waves on the lake.   If Garland takes a fancy to you he might come out the cute little doggie door Audrey put in.” 

“Cooper, Harry’s the match maker here not me.  I don’t get involved in affairs of the heart but I do believe you may be the only person I would permit to see Audrey let alone get to know her in the biblical sense.   I knew before the Palmer case was over and I knew it when you walked onto the tarmac away from here twelve years ago,” Albert took a deep breath.  “Now get in the damn car so I can go marinate these damn steaks before Audrey expects us at seven for dinner.”


	3. What Do You Do with the Left Over You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooper arrives at Audrey's and makes a final decision about his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Lynzee005 for the beta and feedback Please check out her stories because they sort of inspired me plus they are so well done that I believe she's channelling David Lynch and Mark Frost. Please Note in case you miss there is a slight tie in to the X Files here in this chapter. Additionally the chapter title is a line from Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sara. 
> 
> Did I mention I am also a Grey's fan?

“Diane, It’s 3:00 p.m.  and I may just be in one of the most beautiful places on earth.   My bags are sitting at the end of the porch.   It is a back porch but Albert insisted I not disagree with Audrey on this matter and to let her believe that this is a front porch.  The lake is expansive and I’m surprised by how much it moves like the ocean.  There is a giant chocolate Labrador retriever sitting next to me.  He’s very friendly and is quite heavy when he leans against you.” 

I click off the record feature and stare out across the water listening to it pushing forward sounding very much like a babbling brook as it hits the shore. I wish I had a stick or something to throw for Garland.  He came out when Albert pulled up in my rental with me in the passenger seat.  I guess they really aren’t going to let me get away with driving.   Albert muttered about stupid mutts but I could see genuine affection when Albert bent to rub the dog's head.    Albert helped get the luggage around the back of the house, merely raising an eyebrow at the number of bags that I brought with me. 

“Diane, I need to change clothes but the last I heard was that Audrey wouldn’t be arriving here at the house until close to four.   I’m not sure what to make of all this, I feel as though any control over my visit here has been stripped away from me.   I don’t understand why Audrey insisted that I stay with her.  She seems alternately angry and happy to see me at the same time.  It’s puzzling, Diane, like a jigsaw puzzle and I do like to try and solve puzzles.  It’s one of the reason I became an FBI Agent.  Audrey, Harry and Albert have torn apart my carefully laid out plans, torn them asunder and I’m having trouble adjusting to the rapid changes. I like lists, order, and methods both conventional and unconventional to solve puzzles.  There must be something more at work here and I just can’t name what it might be.  I’m turned around, Diane. Audrey pushes the limits of my control in so many ways and it’s not just a physical hold she has on me.   I told you once when Audrey was missing that it touched me in ways I could not have predicted and that instead of thinking of the Laura Palmer’s case and Windom Earle escaping.  I was thinking of the content of Audrey’s smile.   Diane, I fear I’m in over my head that all reason has gone out the window.”

I click off the record feature again and run my hand through my hair.   Garland pushes his body closer to mine and I rub his ear while I try to compose myself.  Garland whines softly and shifts to lay his head on my knee.  The rain has started up again but it’s more mist than actual rain.   It’s still warm enough to not need a coat but I still shiver slightly as the images of the day run through my head.  The picture in my head that was haunting me was of Audrey lying on the floor, two bullets in her body, and a pool of blood spreading across the white tile floor at Horne’s Department Store. I need to compartmentalize the image or I will ruin my first night here with    I continue to stroke the soft brown fur on top of Garland’s head and depress the record button once again.  

“Diane, I have not been upfront with Albert or Harry about the length of my stay.   As you are aware, I am on a leave of absence from the Bureau.  I put in the request and was offered three month of leave with the option to retire with a full pension at the end of those three months if I chose not to come back to D.C.  I was not open to being the partner in a division no one likes to speak of, I met the agent I would be working with, and learned they wanted me to disprove his work.  I liked the agent and it went against my moral code to undermine a co-worker.  I refused to assist in discrediting the agent it became clear my FBI status was changing.  Hopefully, my transfer will go through and I can tell layout my plans for working in Spokane. If my time at the bureau is at an end, I will be going to Harry, hat in hand, and asking him for a job.   I’m not coming back to D.C. regardless of the decision on my transfer.”

I click the recorder off again when my voice cracks because this has been a long time coming and seeing Audrey again just affirmed my decision.   When I arrived in Twin Peaks twelve years ago, I met my best friend; I didn’t really have friends before Harry.   Twin Peaks is where I had found the love of my life and while I foolishly pushed her way.   I’m staying and fighting because that’s what brave men do, what honest men do, and I will get control of myself and conquer my fears. Perhaps, I can talk to Harry tonight, just let him know I’ve taken a leave from the Bureau, and maybe he can recommend property nearby. 

“Diane, I’m sorry if this comes as a shock.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to stay.   I wasn’t sure until Audrey pulled me over, when I saw her smile, and seeing Harry again was an added bonus.  I’m very sure about this Diane and I’m going to need you to get things in order.  I left a very large manila envelope taped to the bottom of your desk with instructions.  I hope that while I’m still officially your boss that I need you as my friend to act on my behalf.  Please begin the process of selling my townhouse.  I’ve signed a Power of Attorney so you can act on my behalf.  Get a good price on it and there is a bonus for you in there.”

I clicked off the recorder again when I heard two car engines, one it sounded like a family car, perhaps a minivan and the other sounded like a truck.  I heard the crunch of gravel under tires and quickly picked up my recorder again.  

“Diane, I believe Audrey and Lucy are here.   I will finish this later.”

Garland bounded off and I heard the sound of giggling children from around the front of the house.   I heard Lucy yelling at the kids to give Audrey a minute to breathe and Andy greeting Garland.   

“So you’re here,” Audrey poked her head out the back door. “You like my front porch.”   

“You may have the best view that I’ve ever seen,” I watched as she strolled onto the porch, still in her uniform, and I jerked my head towards the luggage at the end of the porch. “Would you mind if I settled in? I’d like to change out of my clothes and grab a quick shower before meeting Lucy’s kids.”

It was almost comical as she took notice of the number of bags I had brought with me.  Her eyes widened slightly and darted to me before looking at the luggage again.

“I’m guessing you’re going to need my help getting those bags inside?”  Audrey grinned.  “Seriously, Dale, this,” she waved over the luggage.  “This is bordering on excessive.” She looked me up and down, “Your hair is messy, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your hair messy.”

I’m not sure why it tickled me that she found amusement in my actions and the fact that I was a mess but it did.  I was so tickled in fact that I couldn’t help but return her grin.  

“I was an Eagle Scout, Chief Horne,” I couldn’t stop smiling at her. “We were taught to always be prepared for anything which explains the luggage.  Your hair is longer and not messy at all.” 

She walked down the porched and hefted up two heaviest of the bags.  I followed her quickly with the intent on taking the bag from her and having her carry one of the lighter ones.  She passed me and paused at the door waiting for me.

“Can you get the rest or should I have Lucy’s oldest come help?”  She smiled again, softer this time, and my stomach flipped. 

“No, I have them,” I grunted slightly when I hefted all four of them up and followed Audrey into the house.   

It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting after coming in from outside.  Audrey had completely remodeled the house from what I remembered.  I had a horrible cup of coffee here my second day in Twin Peaks, and I was there a couple of additional times.  There was much more light and it seemed Audrey truly did have a thing for the water.  Pictures adorned the walls and there were also multiple pictures of lighthouses.   Audrey had truly made the house warm and almost enchanting. 

“Lakeview or tree view?” I was startled at the sound of Audrey’s voice and I felt those same butterflies in my stomach rolling around.  “Both have their own bathrooms but one has a tub the other doesn’t.”

“I’m not much of a tub guy,” I muttered and tried to ignore the ache in my shoulders from carrying my bags. “Or a bubbles guy.” 

“Shame,” Audrey smiled over her shoulder at me and turned into the third room on the right.  “I prefer a lake view but I am awfully fond of my bathtub. It has a great view of the lake.” 

I almost dropped my bags in the hallway as images of Audrey in a tub full of bubbles sent shockwaves through my entire system. Holy smokes, Audrey with her hair damp from steam, Audrey surrounded by bubbles, shoulders bare.  I swallowed hard, fighting my arousal down, trying to stamp it out, and Audrey peeked her head out the door.  

“Dale, are you coming? Those bags have to be heavy.”   

“Yeah, sorry, Chief Horne,” I muttered and lugged my bags into the room behind her.  “I got distracted.” 

I dumped the remainder of my bags on the bed and lifted my head up to find Audrey studying me.    Our eyes met briefly before she looked away.    I scratched my head and took in the overly large room, the bed was big, appearing to be king size, the room was decorated with pictures of the lake and the mountains surrounding Twin Peaks, there were a dozen candles scattered throughout the room, and there were French doors connecting onto the porch.  

“So,” Audrey cleared her throat.  “The bathroom is through here-shower included.   Pressure fairly good from the falls which aren’t too far away.”  She went in and opened the linen closet. “There are plenty of towels.   I usually just hang mine to dry on the porch rail. Makes them smell like the lake after it rains.”

I stood at the foot of the bed and watched as Audrey approached, trailing her finger along the down comforter, and I noticed she still had the ring she wore the first day we met on.   Her hair was longer, it was pulled up in a tight bun, and she looked tired.  I suddenly wanted to reach out and wipe the worry from her face, to brush my fingers against her cheek bone.  My fingertips tingled and the silence between us changed tangibly.    We locked eyes suddenly and I realized that she was studying me as intently as I had been studying her. 

“Where is your room?”  I blurted out and feeling embarrassed I felt my face heat up.  “Sorry, that question was inappropriate.  I was only asking because you mentioned hanging your towels.”

“I’m two doors down on the left,” Audrey’s eyes locked with mine and I detected a small catch to her inhalations as we stood there not speaking for just a moment.  “Do you mind my asking how—never mind. I need to change and visit with Lucy’s kids.  I have to show them what Garland and I have been working on.”  

“Audrey?” I took a deep breath and held her gaze, there was definitely flicker of awareness in her eyes. “I mean Chief Horne.  Would you let Andy and Lucy know I would like to see them and meet their children?”

She gave me a quick nod and then hastily left the room.  I wasn’t sure what to make of our exchange. I’d always known Audrey liked to put her toe right over the line that I drew between us and now there wasn’t a line.  She was eroding my self-control and she hadn’t even overtly flirted with me like she did at eighteen.   How am I supposed to maintain a semblance of self-control if something as simple as bubbles were now completely arousing? I do not have time to deal with the problem pressing against my zipper at the present time.  

“Cold shower,” I grumble as I dig through my suitcases. “I’ve been here less than four hours and I already need a cold shower. Utterly infuriating woman, all these years and she can still drive me to this—cold showers.”

I pushed my bedroom door closed and marched into the bathroom.   I jumped into the icy shower and nearly shrieked from the cold but it had the desired effect.  I washed up as quickly as possible before towel drying off and getting dressed.  It took a bit longer to get my hair passibly dry and I decided not to worry about trying to slick back my hair.  The decision not to slick back my hair did not have anything to do with Audrey’s earlier comments; at least that’s what I told myself.  It felt odd being in jeans and a tshirt versus a suit and tie but maybe that was something I needed to get used to.  I opened the French doors and stepped out to hang my towel over the porch rail. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Andy’s voice behind me. 

“Agent Cooper?”  Andy smiled and I held out my hand to shake his.  “I wanted to talk to you before you meet the kids.”

“Andy,” I reached around and pulled the door to the room closed.  “You don’t have to worry about me with the kids.   Mike took BOB back into the lodge.  I’m me, just older.”

“No, I know Chief Horne took care of that issue,” Andy looked nervous, holding his hat in his hand.  “Sir, you were always kind to me and to Lucy.  I want to discuss Chief Horne with you.”

Andy motioned to a chair and I hid a smile before sitting down, “Look, Agent Cooper.  Audrey is my friend.  She is the godmother to three of my four children.   Heck, she wound up delivering the fourth one at the station, well she helped, I wasn’t there-the Sheriff had sent me to get lightbulbs from the hardware store.   I’m telling you this because right now Audrey-I mean Chief Horne is heating up a bottle for the baby and she won’t hear me say this to you.   Please don’t break her heart, Agent Cooper.”

I gave Andy a sad look and realized that he too cared for Audrey as much as Albert and Harry did.  I struggled to find a way to acknowledge the younger man’s fear but reassure him at the same time. I didn’t realize how many people knew the relationship, and I that’s the only name I can put to it, between Audrey and I was special.  The damage I did when I left must have been far worse than I even imagined.

“Andy, did you ever do something and wish you could take it back?” I asked and leaned against the porch railing, “Like the minute you did it you knew it was something that you shouldn’t have done but it was too late?”

Andy nodded, “Yeah like the time I bought, James’s motorcycle.  I just found out that Lucy was pregnant with Rose, that’s our fourth, and I bought the motorcycle to make Lucy mad.”

I couldn’t help but smile when he relayed the story but quickly sobered up so he would realize that I was serious, “I’m going to try and fix things, Andy.  I’m going to try and make them right. I will do my very best by Chief Horne-but more importantly by Audrey.”

I swallowed hard as I heard Lucy coming around the side of the house calling Andy’s name.

“Do you believe me, Andy?” I asked softly when Lucy froze and put her fingers over her lips when she saw me.  “Do you?”

He gave me a quick nod as Lucy made her way to us.   She flung her arms around my neck and I couldn’t remember the last time I had been hugged so tightly.    I mouth thank you to him and he gave me a nod.   I extracted myself from Lucy’s embrace as three girls came racing around the corner.    

“Becky, Sally, Melanie,” Lucy said softly. “This is Agent Cooper.”

I smiled, feeling like I already knew them, Lucy sent pictures and I sent presents over the years.  

“You’re the guy that sends us presents at Christmas,” Becky smiled. “You got me a signed picture of The President for my history assignment.”

“Yes and your twelfth birthday is coming up,” I replied and pointed to Sally, “You’re Sally and you will be seven in October, and Melanie you’ll be four in April.”

I looked over at Lucy, “Fall and winter's must require a great deal of time being spent indoors.”  

Lucy giggled, Andy blushed and chased girls as they ran off to play with Garland.

“So how long are you staying for,” Lucy smiled. “OH, Agent Cooper, Andy knocked your towels down.”  She started to stand and I waved her off with my hand.  “I’d let the girls get a dog but I’m allergic so Audrey shares Garland with us.” 

I stood up to pick up the towels and I froze when I saw Audrey coming out the porch door.  She had a baby in her arms and a bottle tucked under her chin.   My heart stopped beating for a moment and I stayed bent over and frozen barely acknowledging when Lucy took the towels from my hands. 

“This is Rose,” Lucy said, “Our youngest she’s six months old.  Oh shoot, Audrey do you mind feeding her.  Agent Cooper can help the girls and Andy are calling for me.”

I don’t think in the entire time I have known Lucy that she could have move that fast.   I shook my head, trying to clear it, and I suddenly my mouth was very dry.  I can’t explain or put into words how seeing Audrey holding a baby made me feel.   Something stirred inside of me, a yearning I had long forgotten, and I was profoundly affected by it.     

“I didn’t know she could move that fast,” I muttered and I looked at Audrey.  “Do you need my help?”  I took the bottle from under her neck.  “Do you need my help?” I asked again now that she was free to answer. 

“Yeah, Lucy is fast when she wants to be.   Stole a perfectly good pair of shoes right out from under me a couple of weeks ago, I really needed those heels too.  Sit down.”  

I sat down because it sounded more like an order than a request.  I was quickly figuring out that Harry and Albert weren’t entirely wrong about Audrey being a little scary.

“I need you to hold, Rose while I run and heat this up a bit more.   She started fussing and it wasn’t quite warmed yet.”  Audrey held the baby out to me and my eyes widen as Rose looked at me. 

“What…I mean…What…” I stammered and took the baby in my arms.   Rose tugged at the hair spilling over my forehead and Audrey laughed.  “What do I do?”

“Just hold her for a minute until I get back with the bottle.”  

She bent over and kissed the top of Rose head and whispered, “Rose be nice to the man.   He can arrest you just like I can.”   

Audrey took a couple steps back and I took in her outfit.  Jeans and a simple sweater and I to be honest I had only seen her in skirts so I was a bit taken back by attractive she was.  Simply dressed, no makeup, blue eyes sparkling.  My heart thumped a little faster as she reached out and laid her hand on the baby’s head again.

“Dale, I’ll bring you back a cup of Coffee-I already had it on to brew.”  She smiled. “Do you still take it black?”

I nodded and turned my attention back to the baby nestled in my arms.   She had red hair which delighted me as I had read statistics that said redheads were going to be extinct.   She reached up with the tiniest hand I have ever seen and patted my cheek.  My heart simply melted—I had never really had contact with children even when I was a child.   I certainly hadn’t had contact with babies at any point in my career.   I was the only child of intellectuals we didn’t associate outside of academic circles.  In my travels I had met families but I had learned to separate the children into a separate compartment unless they were in danger.   

“So Rose,” I asked softly, not really sure how to speak to a baby, “You driving yet because I really need a chauffeur.  You see Chief Horne won’t let me drive and Harry took my rental car keys.   So really I am kind of a prisoner.” 

She put her hands on my cheeks again and stared at me before giggling and burying her face in my shoulder.    She squirmed around and seemed to be getting comfortable, twisting and turning until she laid her head on my shoulder her face looking towards me.   

“So I guess that’s a yes?” I whispered and rubbed her back.  “You’ll be my chauffeur.” 

“She likes you,” Audrey’s voice startled me. “But she’s not going to be your chauffeur. Her Auntie Audrey hasn’t taught her to drive yet.   Becky can but Rose is a bit too small.” 

Rose lifted her head and saw the bottle that Audrey was holding and Audrey giggled as Rose reached for the bottle while patting my cheek with her other hand.  

“Do you want to take her?” I suddenly didn’t want to let go of the little girl in my arms.  “I’ll feed her.”

“Why Dale Cooper,” Audrey smiled and handed me the bottle before reaching over to resituated the baby in my lap.  “Giving up hot coffee to feed a baby?” 

I nodded and Rose took the bottle out of my hands and sighed contently as she popped it into her mouth.  “You made a pot though right?” 

Audrey laughed softly and sat down in the chair next to me.   She was humming a tune I recognized but couldn’t quite place and there was a comfort in our silence.    I watched the baby in my arms as she struggled to stay awake while she ate.  

“You’re tired little one?” I whispered. “Me too.   I’ve been tired for a long time.   This is the first time off I’ve taken in eighteen years.” 

“Eighteen years,” Audrey breathed softly next to me.  “You didn’t take any time after you left here?”

I keep my gaze focused on the baby in my arms and I carefully chose my words, “I took some time but it was no vacation.”   I lowered my voice further, “This isn’t the time to discuss darkness.”  I looked over at Audrey.  “There’s too much beauty in my arms to discuss the darkness of my past right now.”

Audrey nodded and held my gaze for several minutes before shifting her gaze to the lake, “Albert called and said he picked the stuff up at the grocery that you wanted they’ll be here around seven.  Give or take how much Albert distracts Harry.” 

“Are you looking forward to the swearing in ceremony tomorrow?” I was genuinely curious. “You’ve worked really hard.”

“I have,” Audrey stared out over the water.  “I think I had a lot to prove.  I’m the first woman ever to hold the office of Chief Deputy.   I bet I could out shoot you, Special Agent Cooper.”

I laughed and when I looked over at her I recognized one thing from the time we spent together, stubbornness, “I’m willing to let you try, Chief Horne, If I win,” I took a deep breath.  “If I win then I get to call you Audrey again.”

“Agreed, Dale and if I win,” She tapped her finger against her lip.  “You have to jump in the lake naked—in front the entire station.”

I looked down at the baby in my arms and then over at Audrey.   She was smiling and really seeing her happy was all I ever wanted.  “Those are some pretty high stakes you are trying to get me to agree to and it might be foolish but I think I can out shoot you.”

I had a bad feeling that I was going to be swimming in the lake and I couldn’t imagine the water was going to be warm.    My thought process was interrupted by a Garland, the girls, Andy, and Lucy coming around the corner.   Rose jolted away and Andy took her from me with a sheepish grin. 

“Agent Cooper,” Lucy looked over at me.  “How did you get her to fall asleep?   Sometimes she stays up all night and then I have to go to work and drink all the coffee.”

“He bored her to sleep,” Audrey nodded at me, “Yeah see, he talked to her about being his chauffeur and he bored her right to sleep.”

“That’s not true,” I frowned at Audrey.  “Rose enjoyed hearing my plight and she and I had a delightful time.”

After several goodbyes and a promise that I would come by the station before the swearing in ceremony tomorrow Andy and Lucy finally pulled out of the drive way.  It all seemed very domestic, comfortable, and despite knowing there we tough discussions coming for the two of us,  I had never felt more at home than standing beside Audrey waving goodbye to our friends.

I followed her back into the house and into the kitchen. She grabbed a fresh mug out of the cupboard and filled it completely to the brim.    I took a long drink, closing my eyes in pleasure, and leaned against the counter.   I caught Audrey looking at me and I met her gaze.   My future depended on proceeding in an orderly manner but it just felt right to throw caution to the wind and set up a truce at least for tonight.   

“Dale,” Audrey giggled and for a moment she looked eighteen again.  “You may be the only person I have ever met who drinks coffee the way very rich men drink wine.”

I top off my cup and look at Audrey who nods so I grab another mug out of the cupboard, “Chief Horne, do you need me to leave room for cream.”

“You remember that?”  Audrey walked to the refrigerator. “After twelve years you remember how I take my coffee.”  Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.  “FBI thing?”

“Chief Horne, you take your coffee with enough cream to make it light brown and two packets of sugar,” I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat.  “So no not an Agent Cooper thing.   This is one hundred percent Dale Cooper.”  

She took a sip of her coffee and our eyes locked and I took a deep breath, “Chief Horne, I am wondering if tonight, you could be Audrey.  I need your help Audrey—not just yours but Harry’s and Albert’s.”  

“I like you calling me Chief Horne though, makes me feel like the boss,” Audrey held my gaze.  “Tonight I can be Audrey Horne.  You can be Agent Cooper.”

“Audrey,” I whispered and took a step towards her and took her hand in mine. “I would really like to be just Dale from now on.”

“Are you in trouble, Dale?”  I could feel her searching my eyes, trying to read what I was feeling there, and I heard a soft gasp at something she saw.  “Not in trouble?”

“No, no trouble,” I took another step towards her and almost groaned when I heard the sound of Harry’s truck in the driveway.   I stepped back and picked up my mug again.  I was in trouble all right but it wasn’t the kind of trouble Audrey had wondered about.     There was that need to put a name to what I felt for Audrey.   It was more than friendship, more than lust, and my chain of thought was broken when Harry and Albert came through the door. 


	4. These Are The Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooper receives information about Audrey over the years in fragmented pieces, a challenge is issued, and friendships renewed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Lynzee005 for editing and feedback. This chapter was rather massive and it must have worn her out having to read it. The chapter title is the title of a Van Morrison song.

Harry’s greeting trailed off as he and Albert entered the kitchen. Harry gave me a pointed look. I realized that while I stepped back from Audrey I still had my hand wrapped around hers.  I wasn’t sure how to proceed and was even further confused when Audrey squeezed my hand.  I didn’t want to let go of the limited contact I’d had with her but I didn’t want to—My thoughts trailed off when Albert thrust a grocery bag at me forcing me to release her hand. 

“It’s everything you asked for,” Albert muttered under his breath. “Audrey I’m going to take the steaks out and get the grill heated up.”

“I’ll help you, Albert,” Audrey was looking at Harry who was staring at me with his eyebrow raised. “I’ll bring out the platter give me just a minute.”

Albert pointed at Audrey, “You will not touch these steaks. You may stand by the grill, boss me around, and entertain me.”  He turned and distracted Harry with a kiss.  It took me by surprise and Audrey scurried out of the kitchen.  “Harry, you will be helping Coop with his portion of this dinner and you will play nicely.”  He ruffled Harry’s hair and grabbed the two of the beers from the counter and the Tupperware dish full of steak.

“Albert,” Harry voice held a slight hint of exasperation, “Don’t think we won’t have a discussion about this when we get home.” 

“Harry,” Albert turned and went out the backdoor to the porch.  “Looking forward to it.” 

In an effort to break the tension between us I began unpacking the groceries that Albert had picked up, “The two of you seem happy,” I could hear the wistfulness in my own voice and cringed inwardly. “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Albert?” 

Harry shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders, “It wasn’t something that I could tell you over the phone and I wasn’t going to send a letter to tell you.  It had to be in person and you haven’t been here.”  

There was a slight accusation in his tone and I busied myself looking for foil and a knife to chop up the vegetables that Albert had purchased.  Harry opened a beer and offered me one and I shook my head no and topped off my coffee.    

“Harry, I am abundantly aware of the amends that I have to make,” My heart felt so heavy and I stopped chopping long enough to look at him. “I know I should have visited, I would have loved to see you and Albert unfold.   It makes me happy that you found each other.”   

I took a long drink of my coffee, “Here help me wrap these in foil. Could you put butter in there with them?”  

Harry moved to stand next to me and nudged me with his shoulder, “He really does make me happy, most of the time.   He’s so blunt though it unnerves me sometimes and he fusses over me. He’s also very bossy.”

“Yeah, I know he’s bossy I worked with him for a long time.  He’s also blunt but extremely loyal.”  I replied and turned the oven on to preheat.  “Should we set the table? I don’t know where anything is except for the coffee mugs.” 

“Audrey, doesn’t like to eat formally,” Harry laughed, “We’ve been eating dinner here once a week for years. We either eat outside or sitting on the floor in the living room.  It’s still warm out so she’ll be out handling the set up herself.”  

I was tempted to offer go out and offer to help but I had volunteered to make part of the dinner.  I actually just wanted to hear her voice but there were more pressing issues that needed to be addressed. Harry was studying me closely and he gave me a wry smile. 

“You are really transparent at times, Coop, Are you trying to get outside to escape me or be near her?” Harry put the vegetables in the oven. “How long do I set the time for?”

We stood in the kitchen, leaning against opposite counters and I blurted out, “Nothing was going on.  I was just asking for her help.  Actually, I wanted to discuss it with all three of you over dinner. “I was babbling at this point.  “I wasn’t trying—that is.”

“Coop, slow down,” Harry ran his hand over his face.  “Again, I didn’t mean to be so protective of Audrey.  I care for her and I don’t want to see her hurt again.  I am not going to burden you with how bad it was after you left for her because again that’s not my truth to tell.”

“You do realize that it is frustrating only getting bits and pieces of information from you,” I muttered and ran my hand through my hair. “Am I doing more damage by being here?  Should I have stayed away?”

Harry reached out and laid his hand on my shoulder, “Coop, you’re eventually going to have to put your cards on the table.  Audrey may seem like she’s playing games because that’s just her nature but she’s not.  I told you once you think too much.”  He paused taking a sip of his beer and I turned and filled my cup up again.  “I knew then that you loved her, I also knew why you pushed her away the first time, and when you woke up in the hospital she was the woman you asked for.”

I swallowed hard and my voice cracked, “What?”

“You woke up once, briefly the night we brought  **you** out of the forest,.  I was sitting with you and I was startled when you quite plainly said Harry, go get Audrey.”   Harry drew his hand away from my shoulder. “I was still there in the morning when you woke up for good and stayed awake.  You did a 360 and forbid me from letting her in the room. She stayed at that hospital for the week you were there, did you know? ” 

“No, Harry-” I swallowed hard again and jumped when the timer when off.  Harry handed me two oven mitts and I turned to pull the foil wrapped vegetables out of the oven. 

“Harry,” Albert yelled. “Audrey stole my beer, both of them.”

“One was for me any way, Harry,” Audrey voice rang out.  “Just bring him another one so he’ll stop being whiny.  He’s just upset because I told him the steaks were done and I was right.” 

“We’ll be out in a minute,” Harry went to the door and yelled back at them. “Honestly, every single time.   Albert you know to just take the six pack out there with you.” 

“Does she have a bowl I can put these in?”  I looked at Harry who was grinning, staring at Albert out the screen door, and I paused for a moment to study his expression.  I wonder if I look like that when I glance at Audrey.  

“Yeah, I’ll get it,” Harry reached the cabinet above the refrigerator. “I’d better get out there before Albert tries to take that beer away from her.  It never goes well when he does.”

I started unwrapping the vegetables and I could hear Audrey taunting Albert outside and I chuckled softly as their voices grew louder.   

“Audrey Horne,” Albert sighed. “You are going to be sorry you took my beer.”

“You say that every week,” Audrey giggled. “I’m never sorry and I always win when you try to take it back.”  

“Seriously the two of you are going to drive me insane,” Harry’s voice was heavy with amusement and I pictured him standing with his arms crossed over his chest looking at Albert and Audrey. “You’ve already driven me to drink.”

I grabbed the bowl and took care to throw the foil wrappers in the garbage. I came through the backdoor and my breath was taken by more than just the beauty of the darkening sky and the sunset over the lake.   It wasn’t just the beauty of Audrey either.  It was the beauty of friendship, of finally being home, and when I drew a deep shuddering breath in it was Audrey that noticed me. 

“Did you want a beer, Dale?”  Audrey smiled. “You can have the one I stole from, Albert.”  

I hadn’t noticed the picnic table before and I stepped off the porch and moved towards it where Albert was still reaching for the unopened beer in Audrey’s hand.   Harry sat down and pulled another six pack out of a cooler sitting under the bench. 

“Seriously,” Harry said. “The two of you knock it off.  There is more beer we don’t need to fight over it every week.”

I set the bowl down on the table and looked back and forth between Albert and Audrey.  I reached in and pulled the beer out of Audrey’s hand when she stuck her tongue out at Harry.    

“Hey!”  Albert and Audrey exclaimed at the same time. “That was mine.”

Harry sighed and pulled two beers out of the cooler.  They stuck their hands out reaching for the beer and Harry set them next to him on the table. “No, these are for me.  It’s what the two of you have driven me to.”

I again reached out and grabbed both bottles and handed one to Albert and one to Audrey.  Harry frowned at me, “You’re taking sides?  I mean I understand you taking Audrey’s side-she’s pretty but Albert…”

“No, just wanted to show Audrey my reflexes were quicker than yours and hers.”  I grinned. “She issued a challenge to me this afternoon.”

“Coop,” Albert frowned and grumbled. “Is this the kind of challenge that is going to make me unable to eat my dinner.  Because despite Audrey’s nagging I happen to cook a mean steak.”

“Albert,” Audrey stood and slid onto the bench next to me, close enough that our legs were touching, and for once I didn’t scoot away from her touch.  “I would never do anything except cook that might make you unable to eat dinner.”

“You aren’t a bad--” Harry interjected and Audrey interrupted him laughing. “Okay, you’re right, Audrey.  You can make coffee though so that’s really all that’s important.”

“No, this challenge is right up your alley, Albert.”  I nodded at Harry. “Yours too, Harry.”

“Cooper!” Harry barked and I glanced back and forth between him and Albert.   

Harry looked torn between protectiveness and amusement and Albert just looked amused.  Audrey had apparently just give up all sense of decorum because she was giggling manically.  I had only heard her laugh like that one other time and I had told her a joke that night we had malts and fries.  It was a really bad joke but she giggled just like that.

“Shooting…” Audrey was gasping for breath as I just sat there baffled at what they all found so amusing. “I challenged him to go up against me at the shooting range.”

“You all have very dirty minds,” I muttered glaring at Albert and Harry.  I motioned with my fork and a piece of eggplant flew off to the grass.   This just made Audrey laugh harder and I reached over and took her beer away.  “All three of you have very dirty minds.” 

“Give me back my beer,” Audrey elbowed me causing me to launch another bit of food into the grass. “Now, please.” 

“I’m only doing this because I’m hungry,” I growled and set the bottle back in front of her.   “Actually, I’m not even sure I want to know why Albert and Harry’s minds went there. Can the three of you please behave?”

“You have my word, Coop,” Harry grinned. “However, I can’t guarantee the two of them.  They get together and it’s same every damn time.  You have no idea how many times they have ganged up on me.  It’s nice having a buffer here. You should come around more.” 

I set my fork and knife down and took a swig of beer, allowing the carbonation to settle around my tongue before swallowing. “Well, that’s actually something that I wanted to discuss with the three of you.”  I held up my hand. “After dinner, not over Albert’s steak which should be eaten warm.”  

The conversation flowed around the table and I participated where I felt was appropriate.  Each time I mentioned something I knew about someone in town like Ed or Hawk I felt Audrey tense up slightly beside me.  She hadn’t moved away but I could feel the stiffness in her body.    I decided a second beer wouldn’t hurt me and as we finished up dinner Audrey and Albert worked together to begin clean up.  I stood up to help and Harry waved me off. 

“Don’t even try,” Harry nodded toward the porch. “Let’s go sit.   They’ll come up when they’re done cleaning up out there and then Audrey will put on some coffee and you can tell us what’s on your mind.”

“I have a lot on my mind,” I rubbed the back of my neck and followed Harry up to the porch.  “I’m tired, Harry.” 

“Well it is three hours earlier here,” Harry sat down in one of the chairs and I leaned against the porch rail. “It’s almost,” he looked at his watch. “Midnight back in D.C.”

“It’s not just that, Harry. I want to wait until Audrey and Albert are done,” I looked down at the beer bottle in my hand and nervously peeled at the label.  I could hear Albert and Audrey talking and laughing behind me and I just couldn’t bring myself to look.  “I... should have kept in contact with her.  I could feel it every time I knew an accomplishment or had spoken to someone in this town in the last twelve years that she was hurt.”

“Cooper,” Harry took the bottle out of my hand. “Again, yes, she is probably hurt but in all fairness to you, it is a two-way street. Plus I might have been a bit responsible for that.  When Audrey graduated from college I think she expected you to be there and she approached me at the Roadhouse one evening to discuss what further she needed to do to get on as a deputy.”   

Harry was silent a moment and glanced out into area next to the grill to make sure of Albert and Audrey’s whereabouts.  Garland had come from somewhere and he whined a bit before pressing against my thigh with his head.  

“You okay, Coop?”  He was watching Garland carefully and then he looked up at me.  “Coop?  Do you have panic attacks?”

“Yeah, started after I left here,” I sighed, “Meditation helps and I’d appreciate if you kept that between us.”

“Alright but Audrey will know,” Harry lifted his beer bottle to his mouth and took a long swig before handing me another. “Garland is a therapy dog, specifically for Audrey’s panic attacks.  The first time she sees Garland go to you when you are worked up about something she’ll know.”

“Then tell me quickly what you needed to say.”  I repeated my normal mantra in my head and focused on Harry’s words.  I did not need Audrey knowing my first night in town that I was still broken in some ways.

“Audrey, was about three sheets to the wind when she kicked Albert out of the booth to talk to me.  She did this really neat trick with a cherry stem though—never mind.”  Harry ran his hand over his face. “She looked at me and said why are we not friends any longer?  I hadn’t really realized Audrey and I were friends and I patted her hand,” He paused and took another drink. “Which really made her mad by the way.  She reminded me that she was no longer eighteen and she insisted that I tell her why you stopped caring about her, why you never checked up on her, and why you stopped being her friend.”

“Harry, I’m sorry,” I ran a shaking hand through my hair. “You should have told me and let me make a choice.”

“Albert and I took care of her,” Harry sighed. “We brought her home, made sure she was okay, she taught Albert how to do the cherry trick which I am forever grateful for.  Albert talked to her about you for a long time when he put her to bed.  I’m still not sure what he said, I was just too angry with you for leaving her broken hearted, and so I stopped a message flow.  I gave orders and I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Wonder what Albert said to her,” I looked at Harry. “Don’t beat yourself up about it.  It was me who did the damage not you.  You and Albert put her together again and can you call this dog over to you they’re coming back.”

Harry whistled and Albert stopped on the top porch step, “Audrey and I are going to wash up these tools, but I do appreciate the whistle.” 

“Maybe he was whistling at me Albert,” Audrey reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter.  She held it out to me and then pulled another out and gave it to Harry. “Could you light the torches.   It will be completely pitch black soon and I’d rather talk out here.”  

“You just want to talk out here because you smell rain in the air,” Harry muttered.  “She knows it torments, Albert, all the rain.” 

“It only torments me because you come home completely wet and I can’t get anything accomplished until after you are dried off.”   

Audrey whispered something in Alberts ear that Harry obviously heard and his face went bright red.  I really was amused, puzzled, and almost jealous of the ease in which the three of them interacted. There was a lot of good natured teasing but underneath it was something so much deeper and I couldn’t help but want to be a part of it. 

“So what did she say?” I asked Harry as we moved down the porch lighting the torches. “Go on just get it out, Harry.”

“Cooper, it was filthy and I’m not going to repeat it.”  Harry muttered. “By the way what did you wager with her for that shooting contest?”

“Oh, if I win she has to let me call her Audrey again instead of forcing me to call her Chief Horne,” I held up my hand. “There is a moratorium tonight.”

“And if she wins,” Harry paused as I lit the last torch. “Tell me it’s something equally unimportant.” 

“Well, Harry,” I shoved the lighter into my pocket and watched as the flames danced over his face.  “I’m confident I can win so the deal is if I lose I have to jump into this lake.”

Harry seemed to be fighting back a grin, “Naked, I assume.” 

“I’m not overly concerned about it,” I shrugged.  “You’ve seen me shoot.”

“Coop, I’m not sure how to tell you this,” Harry was actually grinning now, a full blown smile. “Was there any other stipulation?”

“Well the whole station would have to be here including Lucy.” I replied as we walked back down the porch. “Again, I’m not too concerned.”

“Coop, be concerned and be glad that Albert is off for the next two weeks,” Harry handed me another beer. “You’re going to need to come down to the range to practice.  She challenged Albert who politely declined.   She then said that she bet she could out shoot Agent Dale Cooper.”

I stood on my toes and watched she and Albert through the window.  They were working quickly together but they were also fighting over a bag of coffee.  I blinked when Audrey very deftly got Albert’s arm twisted behind his back and she tossed a bag coffee across the room and away from the coffee pot.

“Why did Audrey just throw a bag of coffee across the room?” I looked at Harry with a sinking feeling in my stomach about her shooting ability. 

“It’s decaf, she got rid of it again didn’t she?”  He shook his head. “Albert keeps trying and that is why you should be afraid of this challenge.”

“Yeah?  She has your partner pinned against the counter making him apologize.” 

Harry shrugged, “Well, I use to be cocky about the things that Audrey said too.  I learned because when she stated that she could out shoot you I teased her and she kept right on at it.  I think she was trying to get me to call you.”

“Continue,” I gazed in the window again. “Harry, should we be doing something to help, Albert?”

“No,” Harry smirked. “Serves him right.  I never get between them it’s dangerous.   So anyway, Coop remember when we practiced at the range and you put four through the eyes and one through each nostril?”  

“Yeah, Andy really came through though when it counted, you know he gave me a talk about Audrey today.”  I sighed.  “That woman in there inspires a great deal of loyalty.”

“Respect too, wouldn’t you agree,” There was mirth in Harry’s response and quickly looked down at him.  “I saved that target, Coop, and I showed her.   She marched me down to the firing range, put that target up, and shot the bullets through the same hole you did, twice.”

“Harry, I suddenly feel much less secure in my manhood,” I toasted him. “So thank you for that. She did it twice?”

“Yep,” Harry grinned and lift his bottle in response.  

Albert and Audrey came out the door and Audrey slid into the chair next to Harry.   Albert chose to lean against the porch railing next to me and glared at Audrey. 

“I told you, not to bring decaf into my house,” Audrey looked at me.  “I feel, Dale, that decaf coffee is an abomination that must be kept out of my home.   Albert on the other hand feels that I do not take care of myself well enough so drinking decaf coffee will help.  What do you think?”

Harry was shaking his head no but I decided nothing ventured nothing gained, “Albert, I have to agree with Audrey about the coffee.  It is an abomination and if God had meant us to drink decaf he wouldn’t have created coffee in the first place. Audrey, you probably should take better care of yourself.”

Albert reacted first, “You had to agree with her and when you’re gone she’s still going to lord it over me that you took her side because Harry won’t take any side.” 

Audrey looked smug and Harry just hung his head, “Coop, now I’m going to owe him something.  His mind is an evil playground and you’ve forced me into owing something because I have kept myself out of this matter and now I owe him.” 

“Well,” I cleared my throat and paced away a few steps before marching back. “Sorry, well I’m not sorry about the coffee thing but you said something there, and I’m sorry for stepping away.”   I fumbled and ran my hand through my hair.  “See, this is kind of awkward.”

“Me lording it over Albert when you’re gone?” Audrey asked with a confused look on her face. “I’m always right and he knows it.”

“Cooper,” Albert said. “Just spit it out, take a swig of your beer, and just spit it out like a man.”

“Fine, Albert,” I took a long drink of my beer not even savoring it and I just blurted out.  “How’s this for spitting it out Albert? I’m on a three month leave of absence from the bureau, I’m not leaving in two days, I’m not going back at all, and I have nowhere to live yet.”  I turned and paced to the end of the porch and back again running my hand through my hair.  “Really Albert, you couldn’t wait for me to figure out how to say what I needed to say?”

“What do you mean you’re on a leave?” Harry interrupted. “Are you in trouble?”

“No, No,” I waved my hand. “No I’m not in trouble. I just took a three-month leave.”  I am completely undone at the moment and I nearly jump when Audrey’s fingers squeeze mine before releasing my hand.   I look down at her and take a deep breath she stands up motions for Albert to sit down.  

“Okay, Dale, take a deep breath,” Audrey said softly and touched my arm. “You’re not in trouble.  We understand.  Albert you will let him get this out in his way, Harry shut him up with your mouth if he speaks again before Dale has finished what he needs to get out and what he needs our input on.”

I closed my eyes for several minutes, silently thanking Audrey, and I turn around and look at the moon reflecting on the lake.  I know I’m at a cross road, personally, professionally, and mentally.  My relationships will change and while change is necessary it is also frightening.   I wasn’t unsure of my decision, if anything dinner tonight proved to me that I needed to be here, but it was scary telling someone else.

“I’m tired,” I turned back to face them and I tried to figure out what to do with my hands.   I finally just rubbed them up and down the sides of my jeans.  “I’ve worked eighteen years with no break.  I’ve seen more death and hate than most people.  I come home at night, no friends, and my townhouse is just full of books and a bed. I have laughed more today than I have in twelve years.” 

“When Harry called me a month ago to tell me about Audrey’s promotion and the ceremony,” I shifted my weight and my shoulder brushed against Audrey’s. 

“Dale, would it be easier to do this sitting down?  We can rearrange a bit and I’ll get us all some coffee,” Audrey nudged me and I looked at her, she seemed to understand that I needed to regroup. I nodded and she went to work. “Albert help me in the kitchen and Harry arrange the chairs.”

She led me over to the that Albert had just vacated and stood on her toes, pushing my shoulder, and forcing me to sit. 

“Thank you,” I whispered and she nodded before motioning to Harry to get busy. 

I could hear her in the kitchen bickering with Albert and Harry sat down next to me.    He was silent for a moment and he nudged me.   

“Sorry about Albert,” Harry muttered.  “He’s just, Albert.”

“She was right,” I sighed. “I needed a few minutes to regroup, she always kind of picked up on that about me.  She liked to be the one to make me need to regroup.”

“So a voluntary leave of absence?” Harry whistled. “Okay, I’m interested to see where this is leading.  You’ve taken me on stranger journeys.” 

Audrey and Albert came back out, she had two coffee cups to Albert’s one.   He handed me the coffee in his hand and muttered, “Sorry, Coop. I was trying to expedite.” 

“I know, Albert,” I took a drink of the coffee as Audrey and Albert sat down and the four us formed a fairly tight circle.  “I didn’t mean to blurt all that out at once and it made no sense except inside my head as it came out.” 

I took another sip of coffee, “I put in for the leave a month ago when Harry called.  I had just come back from meeting with another agent.  I’m not going to mention him by name but he’s been working with files that no one wants to try and solve.  The powers that be were speaking of partnering us.  I met with him and liked him.  He’s smart profiler and his work is worth doing.  However, I wasn’t interested in getting involved in the type of cases that he was working on.”  

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and realized I hadn’t really looked at anyone in a while.  They all seemed to be listening intently. 

“Wait,” Albert said.  “I know who you’re talking about.  He’s a fantastic agent.  I’m surprised you said no.”

“He’s cases are darker, close to the edge of things that I’ve fought here, and I just wasn’t confident in my ability to deal with case after case like that,” I stared at Audrey for a moment, locking my gaze on her, and she lifted her cup of coffee to her lips.   She didn’t seem bothered by my words or failing on a certain level so I pressed on.  “Before I turned it down they informed me they wanted me to discredit or actually undermine the agent’s work.  I turned them down and told them in no uncertain terms that was why I was turning it down.”

“Your oath,” Audrey murmured. “They wanted you to break your oath. The one you told me about that night.”

“You remember?”  I was surprised that she remembered that part of the night at all. “You remember that?”

“What night?” Harry asked looking back and forth between Audrey and I as we stared at each other.  

“Well I broke into Dale’s room, stripped, and climbed into his bed in the dark,” Audrey said softly still keeping my gaze with hers. “He was out and I left the door open just a bit.  He pulled his gun and told me to turn on the light.”

“What?” Albert and Harry said at the same time.   “What?”

“Didn’t tell you that did he, Harry,” Audrey tore her gaze from mine and looked at Harry’s.  “He was kinder than he had to be.  He knew that I needed a friend.  I had just watch Leland Palmer breakdown in the ballroom and no one helped him because my father didn’t want to spoil his business deal.  I was the only one who saw it.  I was upset so I thought I might feel better if I took my clothes off and waited for Agent Cooper to come back.”

“Sure, make sense,” Albert muttered. “Strip down and torture the FBI Agent.”

“It was fine, nothing happened,” I had the feeling I was going to be discussing this again at length with Albert and Harry. “I told her the truth about an oath that I had taken and a code of honor that I had to live by.”

“He got us chocolate malts and french fries too,” Audrey looked at Albert, “We became friends that night but not naked, dirty friends, Albert.  I know how you like those so you must be disappointed.  He left like a gentleman and gave me enough time to get dressed.”

I was now definitely going to have to talk to Harry and Albert further about this I could tell by the way they were looking at me.   

“You’re right, Audrey it went against everything that I believed the bureau was to be used for.  There was no honor, integrity, fidelity or bravery in destroying another agent especially internally.”  I sighed.  “So I thought after three months my perspective might change.”

“When my leave was approved, I was given an option that I could change it to an early retirement with a full pension.”  Albert’s eyes widened in surprise and a concerned look crossed his face.  “I put in a transfer request that I believe will be rejected, a transfer to the Spokane office.”

“How would that work?”  Albert nodded.  “I know I am generally a cynic but if they offered you early retirement they want you out of the bureau.”

I nodded and shrugged, “I made a choice when I declined the offer.   So, this morning I authorized Diane to sell my townhouse, to box my books up, and I was expecting to have time to find a place but I don’t believe I’ll get transferred  to Spokane.”

“So what,” Audrey asked, studying me closely. “Are you just going to take the retirement?” 

I finished off my coffee and stood up, “I need to use the restroom.  Take a moment and talk amongst yourselves.  I am open to suggestions but I think my time at the bureau is at an end.” 

I walked down the porch and through the french doors leading to the room I would be staying in.  Audrey had lit a couple of the candles, I guess so I didn’t have to walk into a dark room, and I turned the light on the bathroom.   

I relieved myself and washed my hands, splashed some water on my face, and tried to do something to not look so utterly wiped out. 

I dried my hands and headed back outside, they were sitting back in their chairs, and I noticed Albert holding another cup of coffee.    

“Here,” Albert thrust the cup to me as I sat down.  “We’ve talked, we’ve thought it out, and I assume you talked to us because you wanted our advice, am I right?”

“I value your input,” I glanced pointedly at Audrey and saw a look of surprise pass over her face.  “Audrey, you really shouldn’t be so surprised.  I have always valued what you’ve told me.”

“All right then, I’m going to talk from a bureau perspective,” Albert started.  “First, take the full paid leave.  Right up to your last week let them think you are coming back. “Diane can go ahead and sell your place.  If they are watching you they will see she is just acting on your behalf.  I’ll put her in touch with a friend of mine who is a real estate agent.  He’ll sell your townhouse and he’ll find you a studio apartment to rent as a cover starting three months from now.”

“All right,” I sighed. “Do you think I’m in any real danger?” 

“Not if you don’t go back to Washington,” Albert met my eyes evenly. “If you go back and try to work in DC.  I think you will very much be in danger.  I think if you have any contact with this other agent again or if you don’t take the early retirement option.  You refused to play a game but showed enough interest in the work to be a liability.”

“What about the people I care about, the people here?” I ask and feel a familiar sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  “Maybe I shouldn’t.  I didn’t think when I turned them down.” 

“Cooper,” Albert said sharply. “No one here, no one you care about, only you—do you hear me this isn’t Windom Earle. I’m not speculating this is something I am certain on from working all those years with Gordon.  This is not the same.”

I looked around wildly and met Audrey’s eyes briefly and felt the panic rising up from the pit of my stomach, I saw Harry’s hand tightening on Garlands collar, and I forced myself to regulate my breathing.  

“Agent Cooper,” Albert practically shouted. “Do you understand that these situations are not remotely the same.  You have not endangered anyone, not even Diane, and you will be safe here in Twin Peaks but you should not go back to the bureau.  The only person who would be in danger is you.”

I gave a sharp nod and looked at Audrey again, our eyes locked and she glanced over at Harry who shrugged his shoulders. I could see the confusion in both their eyes as I tried to regain my footing.  I believed Albert, he had worked with Gordon long enough, and yet it was unsettling to have my suspicions confirmed. 

“Dale, we’ve discussed at length,” Audrey sighed. “In fact we discuss this when I pulled you over and had Albert cancel the reservation, we discussed this at the station today while they stuffed their faces with donuts, and we discussed while you were in the restroom.   You will be staying with me.”

“Audrey.”

“No, there is no question about this.  The housing market here is lousy right now nothing for sale.  Albert and Harry need a bigger place their building on my land I have 100 acres.  I have two cleared lots on this road.  At the end of your three months you can start building your house and buy the land.”  

“Audrey, I can’t ask this of you,” I said, suddenly humbled and somewhat ashamed of my inaction over the last twelve years.  “It’s too much.”

“Oh you aren’t asking; I’m telling you.”  Audrey smiled and reached over to squeeze my hand.  “I believe Albert has already told you it’s not a good idea to go against me.  So unless you’d like to move in with Albert and Harry who have one bedroom.”

“No,” Harry said. “Albert doesn’t get more than one toy in the bedroom.”

“Why Sheriff Truman,” Audrey grins. “Now who’s naughty almost filthy?”

“I’m just trying to get a word in,” Harry sighed and fiddled with his coffee mug. “After your three months.  Not one day before because, Coop, you’ve been a man staring into the dark for a long time, you have a job.”

“So you’ve just thought of everything?”  I leaned back in my chair and watch Harry let Garland’s collar go. “You’re just taking over my life?”

“Pretty much,” Harry said. “Although we have to do something about you being able to drive.  So I’m going to get you a temporary badge made up so you can at least get around and won’t have to rely on us.”

“Now,” Albert stood up and moved his chair back.  “As fun as the last hour and a half has been it’s late, Harry you still owe me something, and Coop the swearing in is at high noon.  I’ll pick you up at ten for breakfast with the townies and then we’ll head over to the station for donuts and coffee.”

“Seriously, Coop don’t forget what I said about the job,” Harry said and put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you guys out,” Audrey yawned. “Dale can you put the chairs back right and put the caps on the torches.”  She pointed out lightning just over the mountains in the distance.  “Storm is coming in.”

I fixed the chairs and put out the torches before settling down again.  I watched the lightning flashing across the sky and the low rumble of thunder echoing across the mountain and valley below.  It wasn’t too far away now and I only dimly registered Audrey coming back outside.  I looked up to find her wrapped with a blanket around herself and she sat down to my left. 

“Cold?” She said softly and I shook my head. “The wind will pick up and the breeze off the water will be quite brisk.”

“I’m okay,” I looked over at her and found her looking at me.  “I’m okay, Audrey, really.”

“Dale,” Audrey paused, shifting slightly, and she seemed to be weighing her words really carefully. “I know we are going to have to have some conversations.  I have questions that I need answered but I don’t have the energy to deal with those tonight or tomorrow.”

“I have questions and I have things to say,” I swallow hard. “I understand that I have many things to answer for but I’m too tired to think logically tonight. I am happy to be here with you and thank you for allowing me to stay here.”

We watched the lightning playing out over the water and wind across the lake was picking up.   The rain hadn’t started yet and I looked over at Audrey again. 

“So I really have to wear a tuxedo tomorrow night?”  

“Yes and you have to dance with me,” She smiled. “Even the slow ones this time.  You really are a fantastic dancer.”

“Audrey, I haven’t danced with anyone in twelve years,” I wasn’t sure my words weren’t drowned out by the thunder. 

“That’s too long to go without dancing,” Audrey sighed. “I don’t dance anymore but I’m willing to give it a try if you are.”

“Sure,” I cleared my throat and looked at her again.  “I need to see the room, Audrey, room 315. I have to make peace with it. Can you make that happen?”

“I will make you a deal, Dale,” Audrey met my eyes and when the lightning flashed I saw something there I hadn’t seen in her eyes before, she was haunted as I was by something. “I need you to do me a favor.  Make sure we are out of the Great Northern and back here before midnight tomorrow.” 

“Am I allowed to ask why?”  I reached over and touched her hand that was outside the blanket, her fingers scrambled for purchase against mine and she nodded. “Why?”

“My birthday is August 15 th and there is more,” Audrey was clutching my fingers, “Please do not let anyone in my family into this house on my birthday.  The only people allowed here are Harry, Albert, and Hawk.  No one else, Dale.  I don’t celebrate my birthday, Harry and Albert will bring food unless you can cook.”

My eyes held her gaze steadily and I ignored the lightning and thunder.  She must have found what she was looking for in my eyes because she let go of my hand.   

“I’m going to turn in,” Audrey stretched her hand out to sweep the fringe across my forehead. “I really am glad to see you.”

“Night Audrey,” I stood up. “Albert is going to be here early so I need to turn in too.”

I walked by as she closed the door to her bedroom.   I entered my room and unpacked my clothing.  I had thought to hang my tux up in the closet already so it wouldn’t be wrinkled.  I stopped wearing pajamas long ago and switched into a pair of sweatpants and an undershirt.   

“It’s not the same thing.” I muttered to myself as I looked in the mirror and I knew it was true.  The danger here wasn’t from demons or crime.  Unless they were personal demons—the danger here was inaction.  It was going to mean reliving our shared past as well as the time we were separated.   Neither of these things were going to be easy for either of us judging from the things Harry had told me, the things I had picked up on, and yet she understood what I had needed better than even Harry out on that porch.  After twelve years and the realization that I had possibly misjudged her understanding of me was startling.  

I pulled back the comforter and sheets and climbed into bed, I watched the lightning playing against the windows, and wondered if she was awake two rooms away.  


	5. God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albert and Harry discuss life, dancing, and what exactly the rain makes Albert feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is smut, the first smut I've written in 7 years. I felt we needed to get out of Cooper's head for a interlude and get an outside perspective. Chapter title is a Beach Boy's Song. Thanks to Lynzee005 for editing and feedback. She as always is lovely and I would buy her coffee if I could.

Harry pulled out of Audrey’s long driveway. He made it a quarter of a mile before stopping the truck and looking over at Albert.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Harry clutched the steering wheel and sighed. “Leaving them alone up there?”

Albert was silent and Harry threw the truck into park before turning and nudging Albert.  Harry could almost feel Albert struggling with how to say what he intended without sounding like an ass. Harry picked up Albert’s hand and entwined their fingers together. 

“This was your idea, you recall, playing match-maker?”  Albert spoke in a measured tone but ran his thumb over the pulse point in Harry’s wrist.  “I said he would come back when he was ready but you insisted on dangling the carrot, so to speak.”

“Albert, I just, damn,” Harry tightened his free hand around the steering wheel. “He is so in love with her and he won’t name it or own it.”

“You were selfish,” Albert said softly. “You wanted your best friend back. You didn’t do this one hundred percent for the two of them.”

“Is that so wrong?”  Harry muttered as lightning lit up the truck and he turned his head to meet Albert’s eyes. “I want Audrey to be happy.  Do you realize that tonight was the first time she seemed at peace in years?  Coop looks haggard like someone who hasn’t had enough sleep in years.”

“For what it’s worth,” Albert sighed. “I agree. Harry you need to drive so we can get home before this storm hits.” 

“You didn’t answer the question about leaving them up there alone,” Harry kissed Albert’s hand before releasing it and putting the truck into drive. “They seem… I can’t even explain it but there were times that I felt it twelve years ago.  I didn’t seem them together often but there was this time that she came into the station and I saw them lock eyes. He actually looked over my shoulder to hold Audrey’s gaze.  It was powerful.” 

“It’s fine, Harry.  They are adults,” Albert replied. “I can’t explain to you the difference between the way you see Audrey and how I see Audrey.  Maybe because our talk about Cooper that night was more than just about Cooper. You’re not only her friend, you are the person she trusts most on the force, and you’re like a surrogate big brother to her.  Audrey and I can be friends who discuss…things.”

Harry turned the windshield wipers on and swore under his breath as the rain started sheeting down. The wind was whipping the rain across the road and there was a lightning strike behind them and it filled the car with light for a moment. 

“Coop has already picked up on how protective I am and I’ve never seen him this…out of sorts.” Harry sighed.  “Did you know?”

“You know Caroline nearly destroyed him or the fallout did.” Albert sighed.  “If you had seen what I saw happen at the Great Northern that day, we would have had a conversation about him.  I assume he hadn’t confided the full details about Caroline, am I right?”

Harry pulled over and slam the gear into park again so that he could focus on what Albert was saying.  

“What did you see?” Harry asked leaning his head back and turning it to look at Albert.  Albert met his eyes evenly and he swallowed hard.  Harry often lost his train of thought if he looked directly into Albert’s eyes for too long. They could argue and truthfully sometimes they goaded each other just to see how far they could take it before passion flared so brightly between them that it took his breath away. 

“I saw Coop arriving at the Great Northern with Ben Horne and Audrey Horne,” Albert sighed. “She looked and I have no other way to describe it but destroyed.  She looked like a shell of a person until she looked at up at Coop in the lobby; it was like a light came on.”   

Albert seemed to struggling to find the words to continue and Harry finally needed to just have him spill it out. “Albert, just say it as bluntly as you need to.”

“The three them were in the lobby when Ben turned his back on Audrey and walked away. A father who does that to a child who looked the way Audrey did in that moment—at first I thought that was what the look on Cooper’s face was but it wasn’t. There was rage in his eyes--I wasn’t that far away, I could see him and he was too focused on Audrey to notice me watching.” Albert paused and took a deep breath. “Honestly, I had never seen that expression on Coop in his eyes before, even after Caroline, and it startled me. To see such venom on Cooper’s face was shocking. I stood up, to see if I could go help, and she put her hand on his.  His body language changed immediately, as soon as he looked down at her, his face softened and the look in his eyes...was profoundly moving.”

“You can be quite eloquent,” Harry said softly leaning over and stealing a kiss from Albert, just a soft brush of lips before drawing back. “I saw the same thing watching them tonight.”

“Harry, I wasn’t done,” Albert muttered. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten you owe me something.” Albert seemed to be composing himself and ran a hand over his face.  “I followed them Harry, he wasn’t inappropriate but it was clear he was guiding her to the Horne’s suites in the back of the hotel. She was struggling to walk about half way there she stumbled.  He caught her and didn’t even look around.  He picked her up and carried her.”

Harry studied Albert who had paused and he appeared to be lost in thought.  Harry thought about prompting him but Albert was normally so blunt and outspoken that it spoke volumes of what must have been a moving experience for him. 

“When they arrived at the suite he set her down, tucked her hair behind her ear, and their eyes locked for several minutes.  Coop said something to her and she nodded before opening the door and stepping inside. Coop took two steps back until he was resting against the wall and he slid down until he was crouching, and he stared at the door.  I thought he was going to get up and knock. In fact, I was convinced until I moved closer and saw the tears on his cheeks.” 

“Did you say anything?  To him directly?” Harry asked. “Why didn’t you say something to me?”

“No, Harry.  I couldn’t--I had never seen love like that. It was haunting and beautiful. Let’s face it I’m an ass and I would have screwed it up.  I would have been too blunt and tainted it.”

Harry smile and leaned in for another kiss, “Yeah but I’ve seen that kind of love and felt it—from you.”

Albert kissed him back and before motioning they should get moving, “Don’t get all sentimental on me.  I learn, I’m teachable, and I do believe that it will be really fun to watch Coop figure out how to get condoms without someone finding out.”

Harry put the truck into drive and sighed, “Hopefully, Audrey has—you do know you just ruined a beautiful moment, right? “

“She doesn’t,” Harry could hear the amusement in Albert’s voice. “What do you think we talk about when you decide you’re going to fish for dinner and we have to wait?”

“So he’s really going to have to?” Harry suddenly found himself delightfully amused.  “Maybe he brought some?” 

“ Cooper, wouldn’t assume and he may not have even considered it.  He’s been out of sorts as you said and I imagine he was more concerned with putting things right.” Albert slapped his leg. “I even thought about getting some of ours and putting them in the Audrey’s house.”

“You are getting way too much enjoyment out of this,” Harry sighed. “You do have this little devil sitting on your shoulder who has knocked the angel right out of commission don’t you?”

“Harry,” Albert said sharply almost causing Harry to take his eyes off the road for a moment. “Sunday is Audrey’s birthday.”

“Damn,” Harry muttered. “Do we tell, Coop?   He’s not going to be prepared.” Harry studied the road they were less than two miles from home and it was still sheeting rain. “He knows about shooting but I didn’t tell him anything else.”

“I’ll feel him out at breakfast tomorrow,” Albert replied and reached out. “I’ll see if she said anything to him and take it from there.  Harry, he already knows about the shooting so the rest of it has to come from Audrey.  I’ll warn him that she shuts down but other than that— “

“Should I tell him?” Harry interrupted.  “I mean—we agreed that I could get him here and give him pieces and you could give her pieces but the rest we stay out of.  This is big though, Albert. She’s had some really bad birthdays.”

“I know but they are her truths to tell, Harry.” Albert sighed. “It’s still raining.  We’re going to get soaked.” 

Harry pulled in the driveway and drove as close to the door as possible, “Albert you are such a girl about the rain.”

“Look just because I don’t enjoy the smell of wet forest doesn’t mean I’m a girl,” Albert growled. “Now I’ll meet you inside where I’ll figure out what you are going to owe me.”

“The way I look at it,” Harry grinned at Albert as the downpour increased. “Maybe, you owe me for providing you the thought of Coop having to buy condoms in town.”

“You owe me for not taking my side about the coffee.” Albert slammed open the truck door and ran up the steps to the front door as Harry got out and locked the truck. “Are you coming?” 

Harry stood there, letting the rain pour over him, and shouted back, “Not yet.”  

By the time he hit the porch he was completely soaked and more than a little pleased with himself. 

“Really, Harry?” Albert groaned as Harry stepped through their front door. “You’re a bastard, you know that right?”

“I told you we were going to have a discussion when we got home,” Harry grabbed Albert by his tie and tugged him forward before using his body to push Albert against the wall. “You are the only man in the world that wears a tie and slacks on vacation and to a barbeque.”

Whatever Albert’s response might have been Harry didn’t really care because he had already captured it with his mouth. Albert tasted of beer and cinnamon and it was intoxicating.   His hands were already working the buttons on Albert’s shirt and he tore his mouth free to take a deep breath. 

“Damn, Harry,” Albert was panting.  “When it rains you have to play in it?”     

Harry didn’t speak for several moments, merely held Albert’s gaze, before stripping down to just his boxers and kicking his wet clothes onto the front porch before kicking the door shut.  Thunder clapped just was the door slammed shut and this time Albert pinned Harry against the wall.  

“Because, Albert,” Harry slid his hand down Albert’s chest to the front of his slacks. “It makes you hard.”

Their lips met again battling for control as they made their way towards the bedroom.  Fingers worked together to strip Albert’s clothes from his body.  They made it to the door when Albert pushed Harry against it hard.  The door slammed back into the drywall and Harry drove it back further inside the wall when his head snapped against it. Albert had managed that quickly to drop to his knees and swallow the head of his cock between his lips.

“Fuck,” Harry hissed and ran his hand through Albert’s hair. “You’re fixing that this time.” 

Albert slowly took Harry’s length deeper into his mouth, his fingers were dancing over Harry’s balls, and he hummed his was up to the tip.  Harry rocked forward but Albert was too quick for him and used his free hand to stroke Harry’s length as he licked just the head tip of his cock.  

“I’ll fix it after I fuck you,” Albert growled. “Or not who knows, you owe me remember.” 

Harry quickly lost the ability to think after that, Albert’s mouth was hot around his shaft, his fingers were dancing around his ass, and Harry was close to losing it already.   There were times where he thought Albert might suck him into an early grave and he was alternately driving himself back onto Albert’s fingers and his cock forward into Albert’s mouth. 

“Albert,” Harry looked down and watched his cock disappearing between Albert’s lips, he watched Albert hallow his cheeks, and when Albert inserted a second finger into his hole. Harry’s drawn out moan caught Albert’s attention. 

Albert released his cock with a pop and continued to stretch Harry’s opening with his fingers. “Already, Harry?” 

“Damn it Albert,” Harry growled. “You have an oral fixation. Do you and Audrey get together and practice that cherry stem thing?”

Albert chuckled, kissing his way up Harry’s body, and their tongues met before their lips.  Harry reached down and grasped their cocks, lining them up, stroking them both as he rocked his hips forward.  Their cocks were creating a delightful friction, driving Harry out of his mind, and tonight he wanted to be fucked instead of being the one to fuck Albert. 

“Bed,” Harry managed to get out and Albert shook his head. “Bed, Albert.”

“Here, turn around.” Albert groaned and swatted Harry’s hand away from their cocks.   

Albert very rarely insisted upon something in the bedroom.  He was open and willing to try just about anything Harry wanted so when he made a demand Harry listened. 

“Okay…” Harry turned and waited and he felt the heat from Albert’s body disappear but only for a moment. “Damn!”

Albert was behind him, sliding his fist around to stroke Harry’s shaft, his own cock bumped against Harry’s balls.   Albert’s mouth as on his neck and he turned his head just as Albert pushed inside him.  Their lips met again and Albert gave Harry a moment to adjust, continuing to slide his hand up and down Harry’s shaft, twisting slightly on each stroke, and Harry pushed back trying to get Albert to move. 

“Move damn it,” Harry grunted out and a haze seemed to fall around him so that the only sound was their ragged breathing as Albert began moving in earnest.   Harry’s head fell back and he braced himself against the door.   

They moved frantically, searching for release together, and Albert’s mouth was hot against his shoulder.   Harry wasn’t going to last much longer and Albert found his release first, biting down slightly on Harry’s shoulder, and it he cried out as Albert stroked him one final time before Harry came right behind.  

Panting they stayed like that for several minutes and separated.  Harry stepped forward, slowly kissing Albert, and he sighed against Albert’s lips.  They drew away slightly and Harry rested his forehead against Albert’s.

“Not complaining,” Harry looked into Albert’s eyes and raised his eyebrow. “What brought that on.”

“Shower,” Albert muttered. “Clean then talk.”

They completed their ritual, slowly cleaning each other, and kissing.  There was sensuality and intimacy that was not designed to lead to anywhere other than bed.

While Harry had gotten straighten the bedroom Albert gathered up the wet clothes off the porch and threw them in the washer.  It was so ordinary that Harry stood in the bedroom door watching Albert. 

“What?”  Albert finally felt Harry’s eyes on him.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“This,” Harry wave his hand, gesturing around the room, then Albert, and then at himself. “It’s everything.”

Albert eyes widened for a moment, he blinked several times, and smiled, “You’re going to accuse me of getting sentimental on you.  You are going to make fun of me for weeks.  That against the door-which you are going to fix by the way.  It was telling Coop about us, it was when you said to me that you experienced the kind of love I described with me.  That’s what it was about.”

Harry smiled back and grinned, “Not weeks but it is how I’m going to get you to dance with me tomorrow night.”

“No, I don’t dance,” Albert muttered.

“You’ll dance,” Harry turned back and walked back into the bedroom. “If Cooper dances you dance.”

Albert moved quickly and tackled Harry forward onto the bed they landed in a heap and Harry refused to break Albert’s gaze. 

“You’re saying,” Albert moved to his side of the bed. “You want to dance with me.   Not Cooper right?”

“No,” Harry snorted. “You want to dance with me not Audrey right?”

“She’s prettier,” Albert pointed out and Harry huffed. “Am I wrong?”

Harry sighed, “You know Denise is coming in from Boise.  I can dance with her. She’s prettier than you.” 

Albert’s eyes widened, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“If Cooper dances with her I will.” Harry grinned. “You will too or Andy will.”

Albert turned out the light and they settled into bed, “Harry, I’m willing to make a small wager with you.  If Cooper dances with anyone besides Audrey. I’ll dance with Andy.”

“We’ll all dance with Andy,” Harry laughed. “Seriously, it’s more than past time for you and I.  We’ve been together for twelve years and I’ve not hidden anything. I just didn’t tell Coop because I didn’t want to do it over the phone or in a letter.”

“Harry,” Albert sighed. “I love you and I never thought we were hiding anything.  It did feel like we were hiding it from Coop.”

Harry kissed the top of Albert’s head shook his head, “No, I was as angry with Coop for never coming back to see me.  I know we talked several times a week but it’s not the same.”

“So we agree, We’re all dancing with Andy?” Albert smiled. “That will make Curly happy.”

  
  
  
  
  



	6. Maybe I'm Amazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He likes to compete even when he's feeling more than a bit unsettled and out of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to lynzee005 for editing and making pretty. Chapter title a song by Paul McCartney and Wings

“Diane this tape will never reach you and as well it shouldn’t.  However, this has been my habit, my way of getting my thoughts out, and clearing my mind.  I feel out of sorts, Diane.  There are fragments of a puzzle that I can’t seem make align in my mind.  I’m only getting partial facts, half-truths, and I can only hope for more clues today at Audrey’s promotion.  It’s frustrating that most of the partial truths are coming from Harry.  I believe that everyone has the right to tell their own story but the contradictions are throwing me off kilter.”

I stopped recording and took several drinks of coffee, watching the sunlight sparkle against the blue water of the lake, and thought back to how much had just happened in twenty-four hours.  I had made things so simple on the plane.  I was foolish, prideful, and there was a part of me that never believed that Audrey could have moved forward from the girl who desperately needed a friend.   She hadreal hurt and real anger directed towards me and it was justifiable.  Would she be the woman she was if I had chosen a different path for us?   I clicked the record feature back on and started sighed heavily. 

“Diane, it’s nine a.m. and Albert will be here for me shortly to take me to the Double R for breakfast.  Albert and Harry came as a surprise and from what I can tell this has been a long term relationship.  How much did I miss in my final days in Twin Peaks or had it started before then?  The relationship seems strong and good. It was astonishing to watch Albert interact with Harry and Audrey.  The closeness in the circle they have created seems more familial than I am accustom to.  My life has been a stark contrast to theirs over the last years.  It makes the time I spent dwelling inside darkness and staring at death a tragedy rather than a noble act.”

Retrospection could be painful as well as healing I thought as I clicked the recorder off and went back into the house.  I glanced in the living room and saw Garland curled up on Audrey’s couch and chuckled wondering if he was supposed to be there.   I poured another cup of coffee and leaned against the counter.  I felt disconnected from the Audrey of last evening and the initial Audrey encountered yesterday.  She was professional and proud of pulling me over, even giddy at the idea of having caught me doing not one but two things wrong.    It was only after I said that I had been following her career that things had swung from professional to annoyed in mere moments.  She said something that resonated with me and actually caused my insides to twist.  I just didn’t realize it until I was lying in bed last night, watching the lightning and thinking of her two rooms away.  I pressed record again and began to speak. 

“Diane, two items are bothering me very much this morning and I am not sure when to address them.  I understand that Audrey and I will never move forward if we don’t speak of the past.  The first being Annie.  Audrey asked why it was okay for me to be with Annie but not with her.  Does this make Annie less than Audrey?  I became unhinged when Windom became a real factor in Twin Peaks.  I thought I could get out and Jean Renault delayed that. I wasn’t thinking during that time, nothing was clear, and I became confused which I’ve discussed in elaborate detail with the therapists. I’m sad that Audrey caught Annie coming out of my room and I feel guilty.  I believe I severely underestimated Audrey’s understanding of my nature.  She knew how to meet my needs last night instinctively and she knew it twelve years ago.  There were moments where we could look at each other and she could read what I was saying underneath what I was saying.” 

I clicked off record again and drew in a shaky breath, my hands tremble slightly, and yet this wasn’t a panic attack coming on.  This was something else entirely and it was causing something in me to completely unravel.  

“Diane, sorry. I have just realized something.  My own words--friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship--were used to hurt Audrey in the long run.  I cut contact with her and I kept in touch with so many in this town but not Audrey.  Why is that?  Denise came to her college commencement ceremonies and I didn’t.  Damn it, Diane!  How could I have been so cruel and thoughtless.  I couldn’t send a note?  I was one hell of a lousy friend.” 

“Coop,” I heard Albert calling out and he stepped on the porch with his gun drawn. “Who the hell were yelling at?”

“Albert, I was yelling at me,” I muttered and gestured with my recorder. “I was yelling at me because all that integrity I used as a shield against Audrey didn’t work.”  

“Look stop talking in riddles, Coop,” Albert sighed. “I am hungry and have the real world problem of being out of coffee at home. What did you do that it took you twelve years to realize that you did?”

“Albert, I have to say your inability to shop is much more problematic than what I did.” I growled and ran my hand through my hair. “Friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Audrey thought enough of those words to quote them back to me in my hotel room twelve years ago.”

“Again, in your hotel room, Coop,” Albert sighed. “You, Harry and I need to talk privately and I do mean privately because you are throwing us for loops here—“

“Did you not hear what I said!”  I slammed my coffee cup down on the porch rail hard enough to shatter it and it was somewhat satisfying to hear the glass break.  I was quickly becoming completely undone and every bit of control I ever thought I had was shattering down behind me like the coffee cup.

“What are you a throwing a tantrum about” Albert said sharply. “You are not making sense.”

“I treated her terribly after everything was done,” I hung my head in shame and shoved my hands into my pants pocket. “I cared about her deeply.  I still do, I just can’t believe I was so thoughtless with someone, someone who saved my life twice.” 

“Coop, I am not going to blow smoke up your ass.  She was hurt and I spoke with her extensively one night about you.  She understood up until you were in the hospital. You have to stop beating yourself up about everything that happened before you came out of the woods.  You knew Windom Earle was coming for you.  You were going to have to get the hell out of Dodge, you told her, she accepted the fact you were going to have to go.  It was what you did in the hospital and all the years that followed that did the damage.”  

“Does she hate me?”  

I truly didn’t know what answer I wanted to hear because there was a part of me that hated myself.  I knew that Albert was right about the first time but it didn’t  ease my mind.

“No, although,” Albert shook his head. “She might have hated you a little bit because she stripped down and climbed into your bed.  I’m not sure a normal man could have resisted that.”

“Are you saying I’m not a normal man?” I opened the door and to step inside. “I need to get my jacket could you clean up the cup. I’m sorry was she fond of that mug?” 

“Fond of it?” Albert started cleaning up the glass. “Audrey could care less about mugs.  The only thing in this house she couldn’t bear to lose is Garland.”

I grabbed my jacket off the kitchen counter and exited again through the backdoor, locking the lock on the door handle, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she could bear to lose me.

“Coop, look I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t a normal man.  I’m just saying a lesser man might have crossed the line.  I would have but then again—I’m an ass.”

I was still contemplative as we drove through town. I was surprised to see there were some very major changes.  The hospital looked to be fairly new, like it had been rebuilt, and the high school had a new coat of paint.   Albert was humming along with something on the radio and I turned to stare at him. 

“What’s different about you?”  I studied him. “Albert-what is that on your neck.”

“Well I didn’t lose my virginity if that’s what you’re asking,” Albert’s sarcasm was refreshing, it actually added a balm to my nerves.  “It’s a hickey if you must know. You do recognize what that is right? You don’t need me to explain further.”

“So has it changed?” I asked and immediately regretted it.  I really didn’t need to talk to Albert about this. 

“Has what changed?  Sex? Hickey’s? Virginity?” Albert scoffed. “I’ve had the same partner for twelve years but the only thing that’s changed is that you know now—wait that’s not what you’re asking.”    
  


“Never mind,” I could feel my cheeks heating up and I caught a glimpse of what looked to be a tea shop. In a town that served such good coffee why would they ever need a tea shop? “I really need juice with my breakfast.  I think my blood sugar is low.”

“Cooper, how long?” Albert sighed. “Look this is normally something you would discuss with Harry right?” 

“No, probably not,” I kept my eyes trained out the window. “We don’t have to talk about this now. It was a passing thought—Just please…”

“Oh Cooper,” Albert said softly. “I would love not to have this conversation but…Just fucking tell me.”

“Annie, once, Great Northern,” I muttered. “In my room.”

“Thank God you didn’t say with the lead pipe,” Albert bit out.  “Caroline before that?”

“I don’t just sleep around,” I threw my hands up in the air. “I’m sorry I said anything I just, I don’t know, and oh for the love of God, please don’t go on about this.”

“I’m an ass but the keeper of everyone’s sex secrets!  How do you people not see the irony in this?” Albert spit out. “You and I will never speak of this again but I am going to give you this piece of advice,” He turned into the Double R parking lot and pulled into a parking spot. “There are other things we need to discuss and I’m fairly certain you don’t want me to say this in there.  Audrey isn’t innocent any longer and hasn’t been since before you left here.  She was seeing someone while you were seeing Annie.  You slept with Annie, she slept with him.   However, she went through a period where she didn’t feel really good about herself and behaved poorly.” 

As much as it pained me I wasn’t naïve enough to think that Audrey was waiting on me and I wouldn’t have expected her to. It did pain me to think she thought badly of herself. I had to accept some responsibility for that. 

“More damage.” My voice was  soft and it sounded broken.  I was completely  unnerved by this whole conversation. “Audrey was my biggest miscalculation.”

“Look, she hasn’t seen anyone since just before she turned twenty-five.”  Albert sighed. “I’m telling you this because you need to prepare. When Harry decided that you need to come for this ceremony we made a deal because I’m against match-making.  Audrey’s truths are her own and we would be betraying her by telling you everything.” 

Albert took a deep breath snapped his fingers, “Cooper look at me this is really important.   She may come at you with both barrels at some point on her birthday.  Control and order are your greatest strengths and she messes with both. I’m serious about his Coop, lock your room, take yourself in hand, and take care of business if you have to.”  

“Can I comfort her?” I searched Albert’s eyes, surprised by the sheen of moisture I saw there and I chose not to comment on it. “Or do I just let her be.”

“You should comfort her if she’ll allow comfort.  I’m just saying draw that line again once the clock hits midnight.  We’ve let this go on too long since she was nineteen, actually,” Albert looked at the diner. “Look let’s finish this out here.  I’m going to give you just a little more than I thought and the diner is full of gossips and townies.”

I nodded and kept my eyes focused on him. I tapped my fingers on my leg to try and still the trembling in my hands as I listened to Albert voice soften. 

“She withdraws into herself.  Bad things keep happening to Audrey on her birthday.  She hides in her bedroom, drinks herself stupid, and we just make sure she’s okay.”

Albert paused for several moments, closing his eyes, and his voice cracked when he tried to speak again.  He cleared his throat and opened his eyes.

“Hawk came to the door at two in the morning,” Albert croaked. “Lights flashing. it’s never good when the police come to your house.  I thought it was Harry and I almost went after Hawk.  So last year, Harry and I spent her birthday in a waiting room.”

My stomach was clenching and rolling around because I knew what was coming next.

“Sorry Coop,” Albert says softly and I nodded. “I’m not going into her injuries.  Audrey needed blood and they wouldn’t let Harry and I donate because of our relationship.  We tried to find her father-he was too busy trying to get a lawyer for Jerry. He actually waved Harry off.”

“There are very few people that I find viler than Ben Horne,” I growled. “I thought he had changed.”

“He keeps his nose clean now,” Albert sighed. “Donna was in Mexico and Mrs. Horne was nowhere to be found.  The nurse was talking to Harry and Johnny Horne came running into the waiting room with Jacoby close behind.  Johnny stopped when he saw Harry and spoke.  I had never heard him speak before he said help Audrey and held his arm out.”  Albert paused, he took a shaking breath, “The waiting was the worst part, not knowing if she would live or die when I owed her everything. Harry was sitting beside me, tense with worry, and not in the damn morgue because of Audrey.  Coop, I  would not have survived losing Harry.”

“She asked me to get her home by midnight tonight,” I sighed. “She made me promise that no one but you, Harry, and Hawk could see her tomorrow.  She was specific about her family too.”

“You keep that promise and be honored she trusted you enough to ask,” Albert said and looked at the time. “Look let’s go to the station.  Lucy will have donuts and there’s coffee.”

Albert backed the car out of the parking space and then back in, “Wouldn’t hurt to get some coffee to go.  Wait here I’ll be right back.”

There was a knock on the window and I grinned when I saw Ed standing outside.  I rolled down the window and took his outstretched hand. 

“Nice to see you, Ed.  You look well.”

“Just getting older but aren’t we all,” Ed waved at Albert who nodded from the register. “You heading to the station?”

“Yep, donuts and coffee there too.”  I glanced up to see Albert still waiting in line so I turned my attention to Ed again. “You and Norma still getting married next month?”

“Yeah, Nadine’s all set up in her tea shop she’s been seeing Dr. Jacoby,” Ed smiled. “Boy does he make her happy.  Audrey had to take Nadine on as a patient for a bit when she started dating Jacoby.  She really worked wonders with Nadine.  She’s…she’s stable now Agent Cooper.”

“Call me, Dale.” I grinned. “Well I’m sure glad to hear that.   The adrenaline issue?”

“Gone,” Ed suddenly looked slightly uncomfortable. “Look, about Audrey.”

“Yes, Ed?” I couldn’t believe that he was going to say something too. 

“Look James is her brother-law, she’s the reason Nadine moved on, and she stopped a robbery at my station.  She’s a good woman who has been hurt more times— Look I like you, Dale but if you hurt her…”

“Message received.”  I quite suddenly felt quite overwhelmed by the devotion that Audrey had inspired. “I promise to bring myself to you if I do any further damage.”

“All right then, Agent Cooper,” Ed put his finger against his nose and grinned at Albert. “So did you bring your tuxedo?  Norma is making me put on one too, apparently we don’t have enough reasons to get dressed up.”  Ed rolled his eyes and raised his hand again before walking in the diner. 

Albert got in and handed me my cup of coffee.  I took a long drink, burning my tongue slightly, and leaned my head back against the headrest. 

“Albert,” I kept my eyes closed and took another drink of coffee. “Did you date a great deal as a teenager?”

“Fair amount, why?”  

“Albert-I met my share of brothers, fathers, and one police union when I was a teenage boy,” I sighed and opened my eyes. “I have been threatened more times in the last twenty-four hours than I was my entire youth.  Even Andy threatened me.”

“What can I say, Coop.  The woman came down from the top of the waterfall and enchanted everyone.”  Albert started the car and pulled out turning towards the station. 

“Ed said she was treating Nadine?”  I looked at Albert.  “Harry didn’t tell me she was taking on therapy patients and I didn’t think to ask.  I just assumed that she would be too busy with her deputy work.” 

“Coop,” Albert chuckled. “That woman could work for the CIA.  She is well trained both mentally and physically.” 

“So, she’s seeing therapy patients?” 

“She treats her brother because he responds to her, she comes in and counsels at the elementary school when needed, and she counseled Mike Nelson while he was in jail.”  Albert shakes his head. “Harry should have told you this stuff. He owes you an apology.”

“No,” I hold up my hand. “I mean it, Albert.  I did damage with Harry too.  I have amends to make all the way around.  I just have to accept that I can’t do it in one day.”

“I am going to tell you that Audrey can read your emotions and on some instinctive level she understands you,” The glee in Albert’s voice as he relayed information about Audrey was almost maniacal. “She knows how to push your buttons but she’s tried to write a psych profile on you as part of her own therapy.  She hasn’t been able to get inside your head but she knows what makes you tick down in your soul. I’ve read her work on you—it’s a thing of beauty.”

“The playing field is very uneven and you’re taking too much pleasure tormenting me,” I frowned as my stomach growled. “So I’m changing the subject.”

“Fine. What is our new topic that doesn’t involve Audrey, your past, your future, or the ass kicking you’ll get if you hurt Audrey?”

“Albert,” I lean towards him. “How did I miss you and Harry getting together?”

Albert snorted, “I told Harry I loved him do you remember that?   He grabbed me by my shirt and hauled me up until we were nose to nose.” 

“I remember,” I chuckled as the scene played over through my mind. “It was pretty intense.” 

“He came to the hotel that night, invited me down for a drink,” Albert scoffed. “Look before you mention Josie—Harry and I both had relationships with women in the past. I had stopped denying a long time ago that I wanted a hard body instead of a curvy one.  It wasn’t the same for Harry. He falls in love with a person, I was lucky enough he fell for me too, and there was enough passion to start a forest fire.” 

“Albert you don’t have to defend love to me. I just can’t believe I didn’t notice! I spent a great deal of time with Harry.” I can’t believe how oblivious I was to them. “So this was after we booked Leland for Jacques’ murder?”

Albert started laughing and I raised my eyebrow, “No one knew until the day after Leland was died.  We drove you back to the Great Northern and you were just wiped out. You went to your room and Harry just looked so defeated as if his entire world had changed.  He followed me back to my room and kissed me outside the door.”  

Albert was smiling slightly at the memory and I again felt the wistfulness of the truly lonely, “She stood there quietly until Harry and I broke apart. I don’t even know how long she was there but she told me later she followed us from the lobby.  Apparently, Ben told Jerry what happened with Leland and she was worried about you.”  

“How did Harry react?”  I was genuinely curious to know how Harry had reacted to be caught by Audrey Horne. 

“When she asked if you were okay, she touched the sleeve of his jacket,” Albert shook his head. “She looked up at him and there was no judgement in her eyes.  If anything there was envy and he told her you were exhausted but fine. She gave him a smile and thanked him before moving down the hall. Harry stepped into my room and the rest is history.” 

“How can everything come back to Audrey?” I muttered as we pulled into the Sheriff’s station. “Donuts, Albert.”

I was distracted as we got out of the car and stood staring at the station. How was Audrey so entwined in our lives twelve years ago? I suppose the universe could have been trying to tell me something and I stopped listening.  I took a deep breath and followed Albert into the station. Hawk greeted us at the door, shaking my hand, and the three of us headed towards the conference room. 

“Hawk please tell me there is coffee. It’s been a long morning and I broke a cup.”

“Harry’s coming back with it,” Hawk gave Albert a pointed look and I sighed heavily. “So it’s me and you right, Hawk?”

“You know, Coop,” Albert scowled at Hawk. “All I wanted was a donut.  I’m going to go take this out on Harry and he has you to blame.” 

“Thanks, Albert,” I finished the last drink of coffee from my to go cup. “Hawk, remind me to apologize to Harry.”

“Agent Cooper,” Hawk started. “We showed each other great respect the last time you were here.  However, I sense you are now at a crossroads.” 

“Hawk, please call me, Dale or Cooper” I walked across the room to the trash can and tossed my empty cup in. “You are correct.  I have a path I must travel, I know the direction, but the map isn’t complete yet.”

“I can see that,” Hawk moved closer. “Chief Horne has an open mind, a strong spirit, and a wounded heart.  Please do not wound her spirit, her heart will never heal if her spirit is wounded.  If it is your intent to heal her heart remain on the path you are following.  If you are going to wound it further by harming her spirit, please divert so your path and hers so they do not meet.” 

“I will speak as plainly as I can, Hawk.” I sighed softly and met his eyes. “My intent is to heal the damage I’ve done.” 

Hawk looked me up and down before meeting my eyes and smiling, “She is the one who fills your heart with wonder.”

I nodded as Harry came through the door and there was way too much merriment in his eyes for my liking.   He handed me a cup of coffee and Hawk leaned back against the wall with a donut. 

“So, Coop.” Harry rubbed his hands together. “Audrey was here at six this morning and she brought up your little wager.”

“Of course she did,” I muttered and sipped my coffee. “I’m not going to get to eat until lunch am I?”

“Probably not,” Albert muttered.  “Harry, is this really necessary with everything else going on today. You could overrule.”

“I could and probably would have,” Harry smiled at Albert. “But, Audrey seldom asks for anything and she said this would take the edge off more than Hawk’s suggestion of a shot of whiskey.”

I briefly looked at the ceiling, wondering if this was some form of karma, and shook my head.   It seemed to me that forces were conspiring to make me completely at the mercy of a woman I hadn’t seen in twelve years.  

“Today, is fine.”  I stood up. “Where is she?  Where is Lucy for that matter?”

“Lucy and Audrey had to take care of some business at the Great Northern,” Harry grinned. “Denise’s flight out of Boise was delayed and she’s going to miss the swearing in.  However, her dress is here because she ordered it from Horne’s.  The three of them are going to get ready at the Great Northern.”

“Okay good,” I sat back down. “Can you bring more coffee?” 

“I can and I will,” Harry grinned and looked at Albert. “Honey, would you get that.”

“You’re punishing me because I took my breakfast annoyance out on you,” Albert scoffed. “That’s rich, Harry.  I was hungry and we were delayed.”

“Hawk,” Harry crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Albert. “Can you set up the range.  We’ll need two targets. Coop, I assume even though you’re on leave you’re carrying?”

“Yeah,” I patted my side arm. “Just didn’t mention it.”

Hawk was quick to leave the room when Albert mirrored Harry’s body language.  I watched, fascinated as they stared at one another, and was almost afraid to grab a donut.

“Albert,” Harry growled. “I’m annoyed because you tried to switch the coffee out at home. It’s bad enough when you do it to Audrey but not mine too.”

“You drink too much coffee,” Albert scowled as a chuckle escaped my lips. “No, you don’t get an opinion on this after—never mind.  Fine, Harry. I’ll get the damn coffee but you will dance with Andy tonight.”

Harry watched Albert go with a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth, “So Coop want to tell me what he’s holding over you.”

“No, Harry,” I took another drink of coffee. “Don’t think I would care to.  I would like to know why you thought today would be a good day for us to do this competition.”

“Thought you were confident,” Harry sat down across from me. “Besides have you tried to say no to Audrey when she really wanted something.”

I sat up straighter and grinned as Albert walked through the door, “Yes, I have actually Harry.  I believe we discussed that last night.  Audrey, Great Northern, my room…”

“But not with the lead pipe right, Coop,” Albert interrupted and I glared at him.  “So she’s just pulled in. Want more coffee?” 

“Coop,” Harry ran his hand over his face. “We really need to discuss all the things I don’t know.  You want to go fishing Tuesday?  I’m off work and we can take the boat out.”

“I’d like to go too, Harry,” Albert muttered. “I want a part of this discussion because I was as thrown as you.”

Audrey picked that moment to pop her head in the room she looked at us suspiciously, “What were the three of you discussing.”

In one of those moment of extremely good fortune and unplanned timing the three of us responded in unison. 

“Fishing.”

Audrey stared at the three of us and frowned, she seemed to stare at Albert the longest, and he looked as though he was fighting the urge to squirm until she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Are we ready?” Audrey’s smiled at Harry. “We don’t have much time.”

“Ready, Coop?” Harry asked. “Hawk should be done.” 

“I told Chief Horne this yesterday,” I grinned as I stood up. “I am always prepared—“

“Right, Eagle Scout,” Harry gave a sharp look towards Albert who seemed on the verge of saying something.  “Audrey, I know better than to ask you.”

We started down the corridor towards the firing range and I took a good look around, it appeared the station had gone a vast remodel, and things seemed less institutional.  We reached the stairwell and I wound up marching single file down the steps behind Audrey.  I did manage to brace myself from the smell of her perfume but forgot the grace in which she walked.  Audrey managed to have a roll to her hips even with her holster on.  It wasn’t deliberate and maybe I was the only one enchanted by it.   

“All right, the rules.”  Harry looked at Audrey who seemed to be protesting. “Rules-we will present you each with a target.  You will shoot at the same time, rapid fire, and then we’ll trade the target.”

“Harry,” I held my hand up. “What in the event of a tie?”  

Harry looked baffled and then looked at Albert who shrugged and walked away.  I looked at Audrey who had moved closer to me as we listened to Harry.  I studied her and there was no nervousness in her body language, she appeared confident, thoughtful, and determined.  She was studying me just as closely as I was her. She gave me that look where she just lowered her eyelashes a little bit and smirked. 

“In the event of a tie,” Audrey moved to one of the cubicles. “We choose another way to prove I can out shoot Special Agent Dale Cooper of the FBI.”

“And the stakes?” I asked moving to grabbing the earphones down and looked at her. “If we tie?”

“Raise them.” Audrey grinned and stuck out her hand, “Agree?”  

“Wait,” Harry interrupted. “Raise them?”

I took Audrey’s hand, shook it, and I smirked at her, “Agree.”

Harry looked back and forth between us before throwing his hands up in the air and moving to stand next to Albert.  

“Hawk, set em up.” 

I took a deep breath, holding it, and slowly releasing through pursed lips. My pulse slowed and I put the headphones on.  We sent the targets down at the same time and I fired six shots off rapidly.  We hit the return button and I stepped out of the way so Harry could pull my target. He handed me Audrey’s and I shook my head. 

“Audrey,” Harry sighed. “It looks like you only hit the target twice. “Explain.”

“Three to the heart, three to the groin,” Audrey said firmly. “Three kill, three permanently maim, and damn hard to hit three times in a row.” 

It is almost impossible to hit the exact same location three times in a row and noticed that the holes were indeed bigger than a single bullet.  That was clear message as well as an indication that she was taking no prisoners.

“Cooper,” Harry sighed heavily as Albert snorted in the background. “I see you’ve given the target two eyes and a big O.”

“No, Harry,” I tried to sound bored and I think I succeeded because I saw fire flashing in Audrey’s eyes. “That is two eyes, and four bullets forming a big yawn.”

I heard Hawk whistle under his breath, Albert took another step back towards the stairwell, and Harry just handed Audrey my target. 

“Rapid fire.” Harry said and his tone held a more than a hint of unease. 

Harry moved back as we reloaded our weapons and hit the conveyor. I squeezed the next six shots off and our targets again arrived a back at the same time.   Harry took them both and handed them to Albert. 

“So, it’s a tie.”  Albert said. “Well tickle my balls and call me fancy.  So in the interest of saving time I’m choosing the next contest.  Skeet shooting, date to be named later, and up your ante’s.”

Audrey stepped out to face me and we stared at each other for several minutes.  I wasn’t even sure who needed to up the damn ante.   She started to circle around behind me and I moved and kept my eyes on her.  The tension in the room went up a level and she tapped her finger against her lips. 

“Rules?” I asked and she arched an eyebrow at me. “Rules are necessary for a civilized society.”

We continued to circle, our eyes locked, and you could have heard a pin drop in the room.

“Fine, I do not cook so I will not be cooking for you even as part of a bet.” Audrey said firmly then added. “Shut up, Albert.” 

Oddly enough I didn’t think Albert had any intention of saying anything.  There was a very weird vibe from everyone else in the room. 

“Fine, you cannot force me to torment Albert or Harry as part of the bet.”  I said firmly anticipating she might be thinking of having them join me in the lake.

“Thanks, Coop,” Harry muttered. “Appreciate that.”

“No problem, Harry.” I responded and studied her further. “Anything else off limits, Chief Horne?”

“Not that I can think of, Dale Cooper,” Audrey smirked and we stopped moving. “Okay, I win, you in the lake, naked, Harry and Albert take pictures, and you can’t shave for a month.” 

“What?” I blinked several times. “What do you mean don’t shave?” 

“You are on a leave of absence right?” She said, speaking slowly like I was a toddler. “So don’t shave, be messy, it will be fun.  You do like fun right Dale?”

I rubbed the back of my neck and shrugged my shoulders, “I’m not sure I remember fun but I’ll agree to the terms.”

“What do you want, Dale?”  Audrey’s voice held some of the dreamy qualities I remembered and my eyes met hers.  “What are your terms.” 

Roughly thirty things ran through my head in rapid fashion and none of them were appropriate. Each thing had to do with my hands or lips on some part of her body and it was definitely too soon to suggest.  I felt like my tie was strangling me but I refused to break her gaze.  It would have been easier to lose than to come up with something else that I wanted. 

“What do you have that I might want?”  I managed to sound collected and Harry cleared his throat.  

“Coop,” Harry’s voice warned. “Keep in mind this is an official— “

“Harry,” I sighed. “Chief Horne, I would still like to go back to calling you Audrey,” I smiled down at her and stepped one step closer and my voice dropped slightly. “You jump, off the docks, naked, no pictures, no witnesses except for me.  Unless the stakes are too high?” 

“Coop,” Harry muttered. 

Before Harry could say anything else Audrey stuck her hand out and we shook.

“Deal, Dale,” She said firmly and I could feel the disapproval coming from Harry. “Hawk can you drive me to the Roadhouse. Lucy still has my car because Andy was driving the kids to her parents this morning.” 

I turned my back and I heard three sets of feet move up the staircase and I was not surprised hear Harry clear his throat.  

“Harry,” I said softly, “Please allow me a moment to reload my weapon, put the safety on, and holster it.” 

I loaded the gun and made sure I slid the safety into position before holstering it. I let my hands rest for a moment on the counter in front of me, allowing the cool tile to seep into my palms, and took a deep breath.  

“You still there, Harry?” I said firmly. “Can you tell if she’s still in the building?”

“She’s not, Albert pressed the intercom three times, it clicks when he does.” Harry replied. “You okay, Coop?”

I kept my back to him, trying to bring my tension level down, and sighed, “I have dealt with hostage situations that were less tense than those five minutes.”  I turned around to face him. “You realize that I’m just going to have to make sure to lose but I just couldn’t back down.”

“Quite frankly I don’t see how you were even able to think.”  Harry muttered. “I honestly felt uncomfortable in the room there was so much sexual tension.”

“Harry,” I said. “Do you have any idea how much I want to win?  I like competition, I like it a lot and that’s part of the appeal of questioning criminals.  I want to win, it’s a part of my personality that I’m not overly proud of but it’s made me successful as an agent.”   

“I remember that you really did seem to enjoy getting answers,” Harry chuckled. “Did she do that to you when you were here the last time?”

I just looked at Harry and shrugged, “Can we discuss that when we go fishing?  I have to let her win because everything that ran through my head was inappropriate so all I could think was what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. The thing about the lake, naked, no witnesses came out and I was waiting for someone to stop me.”

“Why exactly do you have to lose again?” Harry asked. “I mean, would seeing her naked make you uncontrollable?  How is that any different than her seeing you naked?”

“It isn’t; I mean when you put it like that of course I wouldn’t become uncontrollable.” I shoved my hands into my pants pockets. “It’s just not very honorable. It’s like cheating on a test. You’re looking at the answers before you’ve been asked the question.” 

Harry looked down at his watch and nodded towards the stairs, “We’ve got to go or we’ll be late.” 

“Hey Harry, I’m thinking of growing a beard,” I said when we were halfway up. “Why do you think she wants me to grow a beard?”

“Ask Albert,” Harry laughed. “She’s probably told him at some point and time.  You would be surprised at the things she tells him.”

“You would be surprised at the things I tell him.” I muttered under my breath as we came around the corner. “Albert, I need to know if you can tell me why Audrey wants me to grow a beard.”

“I could,” Albert looked up and pushed a button on the phones “I just forwarded the phones to dispatch.  Say thank you, Harry.” 

“Thank you, Harry,” I said and stepped out into the warm August sunshine.

“You’re welcome, Coop,” Harry replied and held the door open for Albert.  He locked the door behind us and continued. “Thank you, Albert.” 

“Owe me,” Albert muttered and move towards the car. “Both you, different reasons, different things, and you will pay up.  I am the keeper of all the damn secrets.”

Albert got in the driver’s side and honked the horn.  

“There is one thing I did want to tell you,” I stopped walking and turned to face him.  It felt more than a little familiar which was actually nice. “I asked Audrey for a favor and I’m assuming that you’ll notice if I drop out of sight for a little bit.” 

“I would,” Harry looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Albert did mention something about you turning into a pumpkin at midnight like I was supposed to understand.” 

“Harry, I asked Audrey to get me the key to my old room,” I held up my hand and shook my head. “Again, I just need to see it.”

“Fine, Coop but have Audrey get you there.  People are going to notice if you slip off specifically Ben Horne and he is not your biggest fan.”

Albert honked the horn again rolled down his window, “Stop gossiping and let’s go. Do girl talk in the car.” 

“Albert, shut up,” Harry shouted. “Two minutes and I’ll owe you something really big and special.” 

“Okay but if we’re late I get to tell Audrey it was your fault.” Albert rolled up the window and pointed at his watch. 

“Ben was never my biggest fan; I would imagine he blames me for Audrey being in law enforcement?” I sigh. “How uncomfortable is this going to make it?”

“No, he blames me for that,” Harry smirked. “But if you sneak off he’s going to follow you. Audrey lived at that hotel her entire life.  She knows it like the back of her hand and she can get you there. The walls are hollowed out so you never see a plumber or electrician.”  Harry said quickly. “Let her take you then you won’t have to deal with Ben and ruin Audrey’s night.”

“That would have been a helpful secret to learn twelve years ago,” I muttered. “I just didn’t want to put her in any distress by taking her back to the room but if anyone should go with me it should be her. Why does Ben Horne still dislike me though?”

Harry looked upset and opened his mouth to say something before snapping it shut again. 

“Never mind,” I growled in frustration and walked swiftly to the car. I opened the back door and leaned on the frame for a moment. “Harry, this town is just as much of a puzzle today as it was twelve years ago.  To be clear I believe that some of the puzzle pieces are being deliberately withheld. However, unlike twelve years ago you have some of the answers.”

I slid into the car and Harry stood there looking uncertain but when Albert honked the horn he came and slid in next to Albert.  I saw Albert reach over and squeeze his hand and my eyes met Harry’s in the side mirror.

“Sorry, Harry.” I sighed and leaned my head back. “I’m sorry.” 

I was still feeling bad about get so frustrated with Harry and being annoyed by my own inability to figure things out for myself that when the mayor stood up to speak my jaw dropped.  

“Albert,” I leaned closer. “Is that Bobby Briggs?”   

“Yeah, after an incident with Mike seven years ago,” Albert scoffed. “He went completely gray but cleaned his act up.  Got a teaching degree, coaches football at the high school, and became Mayor two weeks ago.  Audrey tells me he hopes Shelly comes back one day. He credits Audrey with getting him turned around.” 

“Audrey dated Bobby?” I whispered loudly and Lucy elbowed me.  I rubbed my ribs and looked over at her. “Lucy?”

“Of course Audrey didn’t date Bobby,” Lucy hissed. “She helped him after the incident with Mike and that’s all I’m saying.”

“Of course it is, Lucy.” I whispered. “Of course it is.”

It wasn’t a long ceremony and while Audrey didn’t speak her oath rang out promising to serve and protect the community.  Harry said a few words about Audrey that spoke volumes of their friendship, the principal of the elementary school spoke of her working with at risk students, and I clapped as hard as everyone else when the ceremony was over.   I watched as everyone surrounded her and held myself back.   Her dad gave her something in a velvet box and she hugged him.  I wanted very badly to talk to her and I was surprised when Bobby Briggs sat down next to me. 

“Agent Cooper,” Bobby shook my hand. “I wanted to shake your hand as an adult instead of a drug dealing seventeen-year-old.” 

“I appreciate that Bobby,” I smiled genuinely touched to see him doing so well. “Mayor? Your dad would be proud.”  

“My father liked you very much, Agent Cooper,” Bobby smiled. “I wish I had appreciated him more when he was still alive but he fought very hard to eradicate darkness.” 

“I liked and respected your father very much too,” I sighed. “A lot of lives lost that year.” 

“Come see me at the high school sometime,” Bobby said. “I have a story about my dad that only you might appreciate and believe.”

My eyes wandered to where Audrey was standing and talking to Nadine and Dr. Jacoby.  Our eyes met and I stopped breathing for just a moment.  I lifted my hand slightly and Bobby took notice. 

“Agent Cooper?”   Bobby interrupted my thoughts and I glanced at him. “About Audrey.”

“Bobby,” I sighed. “Please don’t take this the wrong way and I’m really impressed by man you’ve become but I can’t handle one more lecture about hurting Audrey today. “

“No lecture. I would do anything for Audrey.  She helped me get a job working at the Great Northern.” Bobby stood up sounding more like his teenage self than the adult man that just sat down with me. “Aren’t you going to go congratulate her and talk to her. I would give anything if Shelly would come back and see that I’ve made something of myself and grew up.”

I swallowed and saw Audrey coming our way, “I think I’ll meet her half-way.”  I stood up and patted Bobby’s shoulder. “I’ll come around the high school.” 

If it was possible to feel an entire room of people’s eyes suddenly on you I was definitely feeling them.  I kept moving towards her and I saw Bobby moving out of the corner of my eye towards Ben to distract him. I was going to owe Bobby for that.   It was an odd sensation, feeling eyes on my back, but all I could really focus on was Audrey as she arrived right in front of me.

“So, do you feel different, Chief Horne?” I smiled down at her.  “A lot of people said some wonderful things about you.” 

“Well they are only partially true,” Audrey looked around. “You know most of my life was spent trying to get out of Twin Peaks but it’s home.”

I pondered briefly what that must be like for her, someone who grew up in a hotel, and was so neglected.  I looked down at her studying her and I opened my mouth to say something and stopped. 

“I know what you’re going to say,” Audrey sighed. “You’re proud of me and how I grew up.”

She looked resigned to being placed back into a box where she felt I viewed her not as a woman but as a what did she call me an Uncle?  Yeah, she did and that felt so wrong because I had never viewed her that way. 

“No, actually, that would be something I would say if I were your father or an older brother,” I said softly. “That’s not how I see you.” 

Our eyes met and I swallowed hard as I saw something glimmering in hers. I stepped just slightly closer to her. 

“So what were you going to say?” Audrey lowered her voice. “Harry and Albert are coming this way.”

“I don’t care, I’m going to say this,” I took a deep breath as I heard Harry’s boots against the word floor.  I bent my head down, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and whispered into her ear. “Maybe I’m amazed.” 

I pulled back and I watched her turn pink before she walked away.  I watched as she touched her cheek and shook her head as if to clear it. 

“Are we leaving, Harry?” I turned to see Albert and Harry staring at me. “What. I didn’t do anything inappropriate, anything that I needed to ask permission for, and I didn’t say anything filthy.” 

I pushed past them and headed out the door, walking towards the car, I heard Harry ask Albert if he heard what I said. 

“The two of you get in the car please and I’ll be happy to tell you what I whispered in Audrey’s ear.” I opened the back door and slipped in waiting on them to get in. “Please tell me we can stop and get food and coffee.”  

“What did you say,” Harry asked as he slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door. “Did you kiss her?”

“How about, Albert drives the car to the Double R and when we pull into the parking lot I will tell you,” I growled. “I have had one donut, not nearly enough coffee to suit me, and I’m still feeling a bit out of sorts. You try having any kind of meaningful encounter with someone when the only person on your side is Bobby Briggs.”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and sighed in relief as Albert finally started the car.  I watched the scenery and pondered what the weather was going to be like tomorrow as we drove in silence.  All I wanted was a cup of coffee, a burger and fries, and piece of pie.  I wasn’t asking much and I hadn’t eaten since last night. 

Albert pulled into the parking lot, “Talk Coop or I will drive around this parking lot all afternoon so close to the coffee that it could slap you in the face but you won’t get any.”

“Fine, yes, I kissed her on the cheek,” I muttered. “It wasn’t that big of deal and it’s not like I lingered.” I frowned. “You know I feel like you’re ganging up on me and coffee please.”

“Tell us what you whispered in her ear,” Harry smiled. “We all go in and everyone is happy.”

“All right, I said Maybe I’m amazed,” I practically shouted. “Now can we please get coffee.”

Albert pulled into a parking space and I didn’t even give him time to turn off the car before getting out. 

“Do you think he knows that’s a song.” I heard Harry say before I slammed the car door shut. 

I kept walking towards the diner entrance for the first time since arriving I felt like I really had an advantage over Harry and Albert.


	7. This Changes Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner, coffee, and dancing lead back them back to room 315.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you at the lovely and talented Lynzee05 for her edits and encouragement. Chapter title if from the song of the same title by Chris Ryan. The dress Audrey is wearing is here: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/16/55/76/165576a72730cc4e10e0959dce82188d.jpg Just in case you needed a visual.

“Diane, I am feeling lets out of sorts since resting this afternoon.  I was exhausted after we arrived back from lunch and am still a little on edge. I seem to have lost a little bit of my impulse control--blurting out random thoughts without meaning to.  I should clarify: I am referring to a discussion with Albert about how long it has been since I had sex.  When I was younger I spent a great deal of time absorbed in all aspects of sexuality.  I’ve imagined different endings for every encounter Audrey and I had twelve years ago.  I’ve used those memories to fulfill masturbatory fantasies and it seemed to be enough to fulfill me sexually over the years.  Being here, this last day and half has been a shock to my system.  I forgot what it felt like to have people I cared for, who cared about me, and I forgot what it felt like to truly connect with another person. 

I clicked off the recorder and went into the house to grab another cup of coffee and check the time.  I set my watch timer to the clock to make sure an alarm would ring at eleven-thirty.  I wanted to be sure we left in time to get Audrey back here before midnight. I made a promise that I intended to keep because Audrey still trusted me enough to ask.  I sipped my coffee and clicked the record feature again. 

“Diane, this all makes me nervous, I am like a teenage boy going on his first date, and this isn’t even a date.  My motives have been questioned by nearly everyone close to Audrey with the exception of Bobby Briggs. I find the situation both beautiful and frustrating on many levels. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to reassure all the people who love Audrey and still pursue her on a romantic level.”   

I clicked off the recorder again went to put it in my room.  That was the rub wasn’t it?   How to pursue Audrey and meet to the standards of concern that the people closest to her had.   I deposited the recorder on the dresser, straightened my tuxedo vest, and adjusted my bow tie.  If I wanted to be completely honest it wasn’t just the fact that I was nervous about this evening as far a social conventions went.  I was nervous about going back to that room. The thought caused a pit in my stomach and made it hard to breathe. I can’t remember very much before waking up in the hospital and seeing Harry sitting there.  When I tried it was like peering through the snow on television.  

I moved back down the hallway, wandering around, turning a small lamp on so we could see when we got back, and I walked over the mantel over the fireplace.  I looked at each of the frames, my gaze wandering over pictures of Garland, a yellow lab I would have to ask Audrey about, a photo of her and Harry fishing on the dock at Sunset, and one of Audrey in the snow with Lucy’s kids.  The most striking was a photo of Audrey and Albert.  She was sitting on his lap, on the porch, and she had a blanket bundled around her. Albert was smiling but Audrey’s lips only turned up slightly.  When I met Audrey I noticed that her eyes were too warm blue pools that I could get lost in if I only I would let myself.  Her eyes in this picture were haunted and shattered.  It wasn’t a look I had ever associated with Audrey and it shook me to my core.  

I was just about to pick up the frame when a car horn interrupted my desire to more closely study the photo for more clues as to when the picture was taken.  I recognized the look in Audrey’s eyes because I had seen it in my own.  I really needed to know what or who caused that type of damage to Audrey and was certain the timeline would help me determine a course of action to take.   Albert honked again and I turned my back on the photo and put on my tuxedo jacket.  I took a deep breath and opened the front door.  Harry had climbed out of the car and he was just coming around the hood when I started up the sidewalk. 

“I need to lock the door,” Harry muttered as we passed on my way to get in the car. “The door would never be locked if we didn’t come by and do it.”

I climbed into the car and leaned forward so that Albert could hear me, “Albert, did you and Harry adopt Audrey?”

“The locking the door thing?  Audrey is careless because she forgets there is still evil in the world and while Uncle Jerry—“ Albert sighed.  “Sometimes I pick my battles, Coop.  This is one that I don’t fight.” 

I nodded as Harry came rushing back towards the car and he’s rather breathless when he gets in.  I leaned back as Albert starts to back the car down the driveway.  I closed my eyes and let Harry and Albert’s conversation flow around me, barely realizing we had arrived until the car lurched to a stop. 

I was still lost in my own thoughts when we got out of the car, the sound of the waterfall echoed behind me, I swallowed hard as I looked at the building.  This was where I met Audrey, where I met my best friend, and this is where I was lost for a while.  

“Coop,” Albert grumbled. “Are you planning on actually coming in the building or were you just going to stand by the car all night?”

“What’s the rush, Albert?”  I frowned. “We’re not late, it’s a nice evening, and you don’t have an autopsy waiting.”

Albert threw up his hands and tugged on Harry’s sleeve, “Harry, he’ll come in when he’s ready. I want a drink.”

They started towards the entrance and I called out, “Harry can you hang back for a moment?  Albert go a drink and get Harry a one too.” 

“Why am I the one that has to get Harry a drink.  This is not the way I intended to spend my vacation.” Albert spit out. “If the two of you want to stay out here gossiping all night— “

“I’m sorry, Albert,” I growled and Albert turned his head to look at me. “I need to speak with Harry for just a moment. You have made your position on match-making quite clear.”

Albert rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, “Harry, you’re driving home tonight.”

I stared after Albert for a moment before turning my attention to Harry, “Sorry about that but right now I need to be frank with you.”

Harry rubbed his temple for a moment, “What’s up, Coop?”

“What were you expecting when I came back?”  I asked and met Harry’s eyes steadily. “You have built this fortress around Audrey and I’m going to ask you to back off for tonight.  I need…”

“Coop,” Harry rubbed the back of his neck and his shoulders drooped slightly. “I don’t know I wasn’t— “

“I need some room to talk to Audrey and to be allowed to occasionally demonstrate…” I trailed off and frowned at my inability to clearly articulate my thoughts. “A physical interest in her.  You glaring at me for looking at her…Harry, I didn’t come back to run away, I do want to be with Audrey but you have to back off just a little bit.”

“I know, Coop,” Harry interrupted and tugged at his bow tie. “Albert told me as much this afternoon.  I’m sorry, I just worry about her.”

“I realize that but I need you to be on my side too,” I nodded my head towards the doors. “Albert is annoyed with me so let’s move.” 

“When is Albert not annoyed with someone though,” Harry chuckled. “He told me I was being an ass.”

“Well,” I grinned as we arrived at the door. “Albert is an expert at that.” 

Harry and I pushed our way through the crowded lobby and move towards the grand ballroom.  The sound of heels clicking on the wood floors, shuffling feet, and a low murmur of conversation spilled through the hallways.  My heart was racing and my palms were sweating when the entrance to the ballroom appeared on our left. I trailed behind Harry and to my disappointment Audrey was nowhere to be found.  I followed Harry over to where Albert stood at a bar table a with a martini glass in his hand. 

“Rosenfield,” Albert smiled up at Harry and toasted him. “Albert Rosenfield.”  

I raised my eyebrow at his poor James Bond imitation and he smirked at me.

“I got us a room because you owe me, Harry.” Albert he reached up and patted Harry’s cheek. “Coop’s paying because he owes me.”

“Albert, we were not that far behind you,” I said hiding my amusement behind a glare. “You cannot be intoxicated yet.” 

“No,” Albert grinned happily as if he knew something we didn’t. “Denise will be back she had to help Audrey with something.”

“Harry, do you ever get nervous when he’s that happy about something?”  I looked around, watching the door for Audrey to enter, but only caught a glimpse of Lucy.  

“Every single time.  Are you sure you don’t want to clue me in on why you owe him?” Harry patted my shoulder. “Beer?” 

I shook my head no and watched as Andy wandered into the ballroom behind Lucy.  Andy looked uncomfortable in his tux and he kept pulling at his tie.  They made their way across the room and Lucy blushed when Albert called her Curly and told her she looked pretty.  Harry came back and brought me a coffee and I sipped it absentmindedly as I continued to scan the room for Audrey.  

Denise arrived moments later, coming through the door, and towering over the other women there.   She looked lovely in a modest green ball gown and her hair up on top of her head.  We greeted each other before she turned to greet everyone else. Conversation was light and I set my coffee cup down when Denise tapped my shoulder and nodded her head. 

“Coop,” Denise pulled me to the side by the arm and hugged me again. “It is really good to see you; I haven’t been in D.C. for a while.  There’s been more work than I can handle up here in the northern states.”

“I think it’s been almost six-months,” I nodded and sighed. “Please tell me you are not here to give me another Audrey warning.”

“No, I am warning you though, do you remember the day I met Audrey in your hotel room?” Denise chuckled when she heard Harry and Albert mutter about it from behind us. “I have to say I’m not sure how you resisted her that evening when you were dancing.  I know you, you’re a gentleman, and I’m not worried about your intentions.”

“But?” I interjected. “Where is Audrey anyway?”

“Audrey,” Denise laughed, “Is pilfering about twelve hundred dollars’ worth of wine from her father’s wine cellar.” 

“That’s grand larceny,” I sighed and pinched the top of my nose. “Actually, this surprisingly doesn’t bother me as much as it should.”

“You asked, Coop,” Denise shrugged her shoulders and gave me a little smile. “What I want to say to you is please don’t run away from what is about to step through those doors.”

“If I was going to run, I wouldn’t have come back,” I said with more than a touch of exasperation in my voice. “I could have just stayed away.”

“Okay look, Coop,” Denise sighed. “We went shopping a month ago for this event.  The dress she bought is not the dress she is wearing.  I’m not sure how she managed to get this dress, when she bought it, or where.”

I looked down at my feet and stuffed my hands into my pocket as Albert and Harry joined us.  I was trying to process what the hell she was trying to tell me when I heard Harry give a low whistle.

“Coop,” Albert muttered.  “She does hate you or she’s trying to kill you. I love Harry but she’s killing me.”

“Shut up, Albert.” Harry whispered. “She’s coming.”

I looked up and felt the tunnel vision again and a very definite pull behind my navel.   My heart raced, my stomach was full of butterflies, and my mouth went slightly dry. 

“Holy smokes,” I whimpered. 

She paused at the bar, picking up a glass of champagne and when she turned slightly. I know I groaned out loud because Harry chuckled softly. Audrey walked towards us, looking nervous, and my heart beat faster the closer she got.   The gown she was wearing was going to make it very hard to keep my calm exterior in many ways tonight especially if she insisted on dancing. The bottom half of the gown was fine, floor length, full, and billowing out from the waist.   The top half of the dress…the top half of the dress was going to be my undoing.  It had a neck collar but it appeared to be attached to the only sleeve on the dress, and it was red.  The rest, with the exception of fabric covering her breasts was a sheer corset, black, and the back was just more red and beading.  Her hair was up and I didn’t see anything holding it there except for pearls in her hair.  It was the kind of hair, that you wanted to take down, just to see it spill across her shoulders.

She stopped in front of us and arched her eyebrow when no one said anything.  Albert stepped in front of us, muttering about taking one for the team, and kissed Audrey’s cheek.  

“I’m still prettier than you,” Albert looked down when Audrey giggled. “Can I take you to our table since the rest of them have completely lost their facilities.” 

I took a shaking breath when Harry nudged me and I turned my head, “I believe I mentioned that she was naked in my bed once?”

He nodded and kind of propelled me forward with a hand on my shoulder.  I was walking, focusing on her hips swaying, and he turned me out of the way so I missed running into a waiter. 

“I saw less skin then,” I whispered furiously, “Albert’s right she hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Denise whispered as she came around my other side and helping Harry guide me to the table. “She wouldn’t have gotten that dress if she hated you.”

“Where is she keeping her damn gun in that dress?” Harry muttered. “She’s still an officer.”

“Ask Coop,” Denise muttered and went to sit next in the chair next to Harry. “I’m sure he’ll get back to you on that.”

I sat down next to Audrey and took a deep breath, the soft scent of the perfume that haunted my dreams drifted in, and my mind slightly clouded when she scooted her chair over a tiny bit towards me. 

“Chief Horne,” I cleared my throat and she turned her attention from Lucy to look at me. “You look…” I paused bringing my hand up to my chest. “Beautiful doesn’t begin to cover it.”

“Thank you,” She smiled softly and seemed to be searching my eyes. “I’ll let you think of some other adjectives for when we dance.” 

She must have found what she was looking for, because she let out a soft giggle, and turned back to chatting with Lucy.  

I listened to the chatter around me, sipping coffee, while everyone else lingered over dessert.   I had made the conscious decision not to drink and advised Audrey that I would be happy to drive us home.  Her eyes had widened slightly at my comment and it hadn’t gone unheard by Albert.  I know he heard it because his eyes lit up with a diabolical glee.  It was only after I saw the look in Albert’s eyes that I realize that I had said home as if it were mine too. Truthfully, I was done trying to censor everything I said;it was exhausting.  I could clarify if questions came up just like I had that afternoon with Albert and Harry. 

I felt Audrey’s eyes on me and I turned my head slightly, glancing at her, and she smiled, “Dale, you are awfully quiet.”

“Just watching, thinking,” I smiled back and leaned in slightly. “You know I could arrest you, Chief Horne.”

“What would the charges be?” She leaned until her shoulder was pressed up against mine, and she looked up at me. 

I could feel myself drowning in her eyes and it took me several moments to tear my eyes from hers.  I let my gaze drift over her pale cheeks, her lips, and my gaze was drawn to several small scars in her hairline by her ear.   My fingers itched to touch them, to trace the tip of my index finger over the slightly raised flesh, and I briefly wondered what would happen if I kissed the skin just where her neck met her shoulder. 

“Grand Larceny,” I leaned in and whispered in her ear. “Theft of wine.”

I leaned back and her mouth turned up at the corner, she blinked twice, and the tip of her tongue came out for just a moment to wet her upper lip.  My stomach clenched and there was a roaring in my ears when her hand landed on my thigh. She was drawing little circles on the inside of my thigh with her nails and I struggled to try and focus on her response. 

“I’d resist arrest, Dale,” Audrey looked so serious and solemn that I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped.  “I’m really quite skilled at hand to hand…” her voice trailed off and I was struggling to breathe. “Combat.” 

Her fingers were dancing on my thigh, not really moving upward just moving in a slow circle, and I drew a ragged breath in as she stared at me.  I lean a little closer and met her eyes.  My hand slid below the table to tangle with hers and I ran my thumb over the inside her wrist feeling her pulse.  It was gratifying to know that her heart was beating as fast as mine. 

“Aud—Chief Horne,” I whispered into her ear, hoping no one could hear me. “I’m not going to be able to stand up if you don’t stop.”

I drew back to look at her and our eyes locked the electricity between us was tangible, “Audrey, I would really like to dance with you tonight.”

“Okay,” She whispered back. “I guess I’ll take back my hand.”

“In a minute,” I said softly and twined our fingers together for a moment before letting her hand go. “What time is the music starting?”

“Nine,” Audrey smiled softly. “I’m going to go to the lady’s room, don’t get up.”

“Chief Horne,” I caught her arm as she came around behind me. “I believe you have been influenced badly by Albert.”

She giggled loudly causing Harry’s head to turn and his mouth hung open for a moment.  She patted Albert’s head as she walked by.  I said nothing, just took a sip of my coffee, and thought about the fact that Audrey had never really touched me before.   She had given me a quick kiss on the lips after she brought me the photos she stole, it was so brief that I didn’t even have time to respond, and my lips tingled for a good half hour.   We had even danced at Dougie Milford’s wedding but I kept a respectable distance between my body and hers—this was unprecedented and I could still feel tingles of electricity on my leg. 

I looked up when I heard Harry calling out my name and felt my cheeks heat slightly when he arched his eyebrow. 

“Harry, sorry about that,” I shifted slightly. “What were you saying?”

“Just letting you know,” Harry was grinning. “Albert is going to follow you up to Spokane to drop off the rental on Monday.” 

“Wait, what am I supposed to drive?” I asked as Audrey came back to the table. 

“Technically, Dale,” Audrey tilted her head. “You shouldn’t be driving at all.  However—wait Harry, have you seen my father tonight?”

“Yeah, he was holding court with Bobby earlier, he ate dinner, and he left when he saw Coop.” Harry replied and finished off his beer before rising. “Anyone need anything?” 

“Martini, with a twist,” Albert looked at Audrey. “Tell him I’ve got a room, Audrey.”

Audrey shook her head, “Albert, you know you get really touchy when you drink Martini’s remember the last time.”

Albert nodded a little too eagerly and his eyes lit up causing Audrey to giggle again.  Albert waggled his eyebrows at her, “You know, Audrey we didn’t make it home the last night before the rain.”

“Albert,” Harry growled hearing his comment as he came back to the table. “I warned you.”

“Just give Coop his coffee,” Albert muttered. “You just don’t like me to have fun with Audrey.”

“You and Audrey have plenty of fun every week at dinner,” Harry looked at Audrey as the music started. “I’m taking Coop fishing on Tuesday when I’m off.  We’ll bring dinner back if that’s okay.”

“It’s fine, Harry.  That’s the day I have to go to court to testify on the assault case,” Audrey grinned. “I’ll pick up some stuff to make burgers just in case.”

“I’ll be leaving all the paperwork from Monday on your desk,” Harry retorted and Albert tugged at his jacket. “Fine, I’ll dance.”

I looked at Audrey and she had a soft smile on her face as she watched Harry and Albert walk to the dance floor. 

“That’s nice,” I said quietly and we both turned to watch them. “They’re happy.”

Audrey leaned back slightly and her back pressed up against my chest, “It’s not just that, Dale. They’ve never danced together. They don’t hide and everyone knows they are together. I mean why else would Albert move to Twin Peaks?  They hold hands, they have kissed in public, but this is everything to Albert.”

“Chief Horne,” I whispered and ran my finger down the length of her bare arm.  “Would you like to dance with me?”

She nodded yes and I stood up, offering her my hand, and nothing had felt more right than when she looked up at me and placed her hand in mind.  I kept a firm grip on her hand as we moved to the dance floor and she kept looking at me. 

“Dale,” Audrey paused and squeezed my hand. “You know people see you holding my hand.”

“Hmmm,” I nodded and looked down at her, slightly surprised at the look of trepidation I saw in her eyes, and small twinge of regret twisted at my insides. “I don’t care, let them look, and be jealous.”

We arrived on the floor as the music changed.  I pulled her into a fox trot and I looked down at her.  There was a sheen of moisture in her eyes and I frowned for a moment. 

“Audrey?”  

“I’m fine,” Audrey smiled up at me.  “It’s Chief Horne, remember?”

“It could be worse, I mean if dancing with me makes you weepy,” I chuckled. “Can you imagine having to dance with Albert.”

“He would just say he’s prettier than me,” Audrey laughed softly. “Have you come up with your words yet?”

“Well, Chief Horne,” I pulled her closer as the song changed into something suitable to waltz to. “Stunning and gorgeous.” 

“Really?” Audrey stepped closer and she stared up at me. “Only two?”

“Yeah,” I swallowed hard past a lump in my throat as I guided her to a darker corner of the dance floor. “I might be able to come up with more when I’m not distracted.”

Song after song we danced, only stopping once when Harry and Denise cut in.  We had retreated to another darkened corner of the dance floor and I could  feel myself trembling but it was okay she was trembling too or maybe it was  just the vibration from my body.  All pretense of maintaining a sensible space between our bodies was over almost as soon as it began, and her head was resting my chest.   

“Dale,” Audrey leaned back slightly and looked up at me. “What is this tonight?” 

“We could call it a date,” I brought her hand up and kissed the inside of her wrist. “We had dinner.” I pressed another kiss to the back of her hand, “We danced…”

Our eyes locked and I pulled her just a few inches closer, bringing her flush up against my body, and slid my hand up her back to feel her the bare skin in the middle where the sheer lacy material ended. I traced the edge with the tip of my finger and slowly slid my hand down to the small of her back.  She shivered and her fingers tightened on my shoulder. Her head dropped back to my chest and as the song changed she slid her fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck.  I swallowed hard as she ran her fingers through the short strands and I closed my eyes as a wave of overwhelming sensation hit me.   

“Dale,” Audrey whispered. “It’s getting late and I need to be back by midnight but do you still want to see the room?”

“Not so much want but more of a need,” I murmured, hating to break the mood. “Harry suggested you might be able to get me there without being seen?”

“Yeah,” Her voice was still soft as we barely swayed back and forth on the dance floor. “You need to meet me by the service elevators.”

“Audrey,” I cleared my throat and sighed when she started to draw away. 

“Chie— “Her voice faded away as I drew her hand up to my lips and kissed it again softly. 

“I need to call you Audrey for this,” I swallowed hard and my voice cracked a little. “I’m uneasy about going in alone.” 

She pulled lifted her head from my chest and looked up at me, her eyes searched mine, her hand was now cupping the back of my neck. Her thumb rubbed the skin under my ear in what I could only assume was an attempted to soothe me. 

“Do you want me to come in with you?”

I nodded twice, slowly bobbing my head up and down, and closed my eyes for a moment. Her hand slid off my neck, over my shoulder and down my arm as we came to a stop. 

“Five minutes by the service elevator,” She squeezed my hand before stepping away. “Why don’t you get a quick cup of coffee.” 

I watched her slip from the dance floor and slowly made my way to the bar.  It was only a moment before I had steaming cup of coffee in my hand.  I looked at my watch as I took a sip, enjoy the warmth against my tongue, and I wasn’t all that surprised when I felt Harry’s presence beside me.

“Everything okay, Coop?”  Harry ordered another beer. “Looks like you and Audrey were enjoying yourselves. “

I took a sip of my coffee and nodded my head, I was still a little overwhelmed by the physical contact, and I turned to survey the room.  I noticed Bobby sitting with Ed and Norma, Lucy and Denise were giggling over something, and finally Albert and Andy dancing.

“Harry?” I took another swallow of my coffee. “I told you Albert’s path is a strange one.”

“Yeah, you did.” Harry chuckled and patted my shoulder.

“Can I ask why Albert is dancing with Andy?” I turned to look at Harry.  He was watching Albert with such amusement on his face that I couldn’t help but smile in return.  “Lose a bet?”

“There is a great deal of push and pull with Albert,” Harry said slowly. “He’s changed though.  I would imagine you need to be going?”

“Yeah,” I met Harry’s gaze evenly and he visibly tried to relax.  “I’ll be fine and Audrey is going to go with me.” 

“Take care of her tonight,” Harry put a hand on each shoulder. “If things get too bad you call us and we’ll come.”

“Harry, I do I have one concern.  I’d really like to know when that picture of Audrey and Albert was taken.  The one on her mantle.” 

“It was taken last September three weeks after Audrey was released from the hospital.” Harry nodded. “Tonight and tomorrow are going to be rough.”

“Harry,” I nodded and held his arm for a moment. “I believe I am uniquely qualified to deal with this.”

Harry nodded and dropped his hands from my shoulder.  I gave him a thumbs up, hoping to wipe the worry from his face, and then turned to walk out of the ballroom.   It didn’t take long to make my way to the service elevator and I jumped when Audrey stuck her head out. 

“Dale,” Audrey motioned me into the elevator with her hand. “Come on before someone sees you.”

I let her pulled me into the elevator and watched her as she hit the button for the third floor.  I could feel my heart racing and willed myself to calm down. I just couldn’t shake the pit of despair that seemed to be lingering in my stomach. 

“Are you okay?” She reached down and tugged my jacket sleeve. “Agent Cooper.”

“Why are you calling me that?” I looked down at her as the elevator dinged that we’ve hit floor number two. “I thought you were going to call me Dale.”

“Psychology thing,” Audrey waved her hand. “It has to do with emotional and stressor needs. Your job defined you for many years and if you think of yourself as Agent Cooper you’ll calm.” 

“All right,” I nodded and when the bell rang again and the doors opened we stepped out onto the third floor. “Where to next?”

Audrey motioned that I should follow her and she walked about two feet down the hall and she pulled a plank up in the wood. I small door was revealed and she opened it.  She went in first, I followed, and she put the door back.  I stood up in the narrow passage way and looked down at Audrey. 

“You knew about these spaces right when I was investigating Laura Palmer?” I sighed again. “Audrey?”

Audrey started down the passageway and I shook my head and followed. I knew it wouldn’t have been exactly legal to use these to find out what Ben was up to but it would have been nice to use as a Bookhouse Boy.

“Of course I knew,” Audrey said and she turned down another secret hallway. “I grew up here.  You’re not going to like this either: all the rooms have a way to look inside.  My father doesn’t know that though so you can’t say anything.”  

Audrey came to a stop and I almost ran into her, she looked over her shoulder at me, and pointed to the wall on my right. 

“That’s your room,” She said in a soft whisper she turned to the right and worked her fingers under the wood to reveal a false wall with a hole in it.  “I used to hide in the walls when everything became too much. You know like Johnny, or my father, or…”

Her voice trails off as I ducked down to look through the peephole and a horrifying image of Audrey watching Annie and I through the peephole entered my head.  I took the wood piece from her hands and put it back into place before looking at her. 

“Audrey,” I sighed and shook my head. “Did you use this?”

She fidgeted with her ring and took a deep breath, “Once. I only ever spied on my father and sometimes I watched over Johnny that way.” 

I decided I’d ask her more about it later, time was drawing short, and my nerves were shaky at best.  She looked like she was about to cry and I reached over and stilled her hands.  “Audrey, it’s okay. We can discuss it more later if I feel like we need to revisit. You didn’t see anything that hurt you through that did you?”

“No, I…” Audrey’s voice trailed off and she shook her head. “Close your eyes,” 

“What?”  I was thrown off by her request. “Why.”

“I need to get the key,” She let go of my hands. “Trust me.” 

I was hesitant as I closed my eyes once I did I heard a great deal of rustling.  My stomach clenched for an entirely different reason as I imagined slowly sliding the skirt up, my hands running... My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Audrey’s voice.  

“Sorry, I put it my holster,” She giggled nervously. “Let’s go through here.” She handed me the key and it was warm from being against her body.  I watched as she wiggled another hidden door open and followed her out into the hall.  We turned right into the adjoining hallway and before I knew it we were right outside room 315.  I kneeled down and pulled my gun from where it was strapped to my calf and handed it butt first to Audrey.

“Take this,” I looked up at her. “Audrey, don’t argue with me on this. I don’t want to risk anything.”

“Agent Cooper,” Audrey voice was firm and I stood up still holding the gun out. “It’s not necessary.”

“Please,” I whispered and looked at her, holding her gaze, I know I am on the verge of a panic attack. “Please I need you to do this. If anything happens I need you to shoot and run.”

“I’ll take the gun,” Audrey took my revolver, held my gaze steady and nodded. “I’m not afraid of this room, Agent Cooper, or of you.”

“Thank you.” I whispered before breaking eye contact and opening the door.

I stepped inside and leaned against the wall as Audrey pushed past me.  I was dimly aware of her placing the revolver on the dresser as I tried to control my breathing.  Hiding a panic attack is virtually impossible but I closed my eyes and remembered my mantra.  I was startled when I felt Audrey’s hands close around mine.  My eyes opened and fixated on hers and she squeezed my hands hard. 

“What scares you the most? What part of this room?”  Audrey shook my arms a little when I didn’t respond right away.

“The bathroom,” I whispered and began to tremble as she gently pulled me forward. “Audrey, the mirror.”

She kept her eyes locked on mine, releasing my hand only to turn on the bathroom light, and the she tightened her grip on both.   “What do you see?” 

I took several deep breaths and it took everything I had to tear my eyes from hers, “I’m scared.” I whispered and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

There had always been darkness following me in my life and fear just fed the beast.  Several emotions hit me at once:  sadness, shame, guilt, and regret.  Each hitting me with a punch harder than the last and I nearly crumpled when Audrey dropped my hands.  I was surprised when moments later she was pressed up against my back, her hands sliding around my middle, and she laid her hands over mine.  

“Breathe,” She whispered firmly as she drew my hand upward to rest against my chest and tightened her arms around me. “Breathe, Agent Cooper.”

Her arms grounded me and I took several breaths before opening my eyes.  My heart was racing as I stared into the glass that had long since been replaced.  The relief I felt when I saw my reflection and only my reflection was immeasurable.  It’s only then I realized that my fear, my entire fear of coming back here, was that the demon inside me would reappear if I looked in this mirror again.  I stared a long time at my own reflection, noticing the lines around the corners of my eyes, the almost purple circles underneath, and I watched something in my eyes fade away.  My eyes seemed clearer, more focused, and brighter than I had seen in years.    
  


“What do you see?” Audrey’s voice was still steady and firm. “When you look in the mirror what do you see?”

“I see me, Audrey,” I smiled and met her eyes in the mirror. “Me.”

“Welcome back, Dale Cooper,” She said softly, squeezing me again before dropping my hands and sliding her arms from around me. “I’ll give you some time.”

I stared into the mirror for several more minutes before turning off the light.  I moved through the room, my eyes taking in the bed, the nightstand, the spot on the floor where I fell after I was shot.  I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked out the window at the falls.  Memories were assaulting my senses and I remembered Audrey in my room under the sheet, Audrey bringing me the photos that saved my career, Audrey saying goodbye to me, and I almost jumped when she spoke interrupting my thoughts. 

“It’s not the same bed.  When I…there was an accident with burning sage, I’m sorry I know that you and Annie, well…” She stammered a little and when I stood to face her she stepped out of the shadows. “I didn’t catch it on fire, I mean that would have been an overreaction don’t you think?  I wasn’t here…”

She trailed her finger over the dresser and she kept her eyes focused downward as her finger dispelled dust motes into the air.  “I’m sorry she left you.”

“Audrey,” I ran my hand over the back of my neck and waited for her to look at me. “Audrey please look at me.”

She looked up at me and I swallowed hard when I saw the sheen of moisture in her eyes. I took a step towards her, wanting so very much to reach out and touch her, and I swallowed past a lump forming in my throat. 

“To be perfectly honest, Audrey,” My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat. “I was thinking about the times we spent in this room.  Annie didn’t even enter my mind.”

We stood in the silence of the room, our gazes locked, and after a few moments she took a step towards me.  

“Dale,” She said softly and kept her eyes on mine. “Do you remember the night I came to talk to you after my father was arrested?”

“I do,” I moved another step towards her as my mind drifted back. “I had just changed my bandage when you knocked on the door. You had on a brown sweater, a black skirt, and you looked beautiful.”  

Our eyes remained locked together and I felt that familiar stirring of desire in the pit of my stomach, my heartbeat was echoing in my ears, and I could almost feel the heat of her body when she inched forward. 

“You remember what I was wearing?” She whispered and shuffled forward another step. “You had your shirt opened and I got all tingly.”

“I remember everything,” I cleared my throat. “You sat down on the bed and curled your legs underneath you.”

I took another step towards her, she was close enough to touch, and I could smell the light scent of her perfume.  The same perfume that she had on that every time I saw her.  My breathing sounded ragged in my ears and I shivered slightly when she spoke again. 

“Dale, can I ask you something?”  She whispered and I nodded my head, almost unable to speak, and she continued. “Will you tell me the truth?”

“Yes,” I took a deep breath in order to calm myself and found it was to no avail. “I’ll tell you the truth.”

We were so close that she had to look up at me in order not break eye contact.  I could feel the electricity in the air between us, a wave of desire so strong and pure hit me, and anything outside of that moment ceased to matter. 

“There was a moment before the phone rang,” Her voice had dropped slightly, it sounded husky, and I felt her fingers tremble when she laid her hands on my chest.  “That I thought you were going to kiss me.”

My right hand slid to Audrey’s waist and my left had slowly made its way up her bare arm only stopping when I reached her neck. 

“Yes,” My voice was thick with desire. “If the phone hadn’t rung I was going to kiss you. It was all I could think of.  It’s all I can think of now.”

“So kiss me,” She breathed as my head dipped down. “But kiss me like you mean it. I won’t break.”

I closed the distance between our lips and what was supposed to start off slow, flared like I had poured gasoline on a fire, and when her mouth open beneath mine I couldn’t help but moan.  Her hands tangled in my hair and I pulled her tighter against me.  Over and over our lips broke apart, came together, and our tongues danced together darting and twisting.  She was making soft mewling noises, little whimpers that I captured with my lips, and I ground my hips against hers.  I had to draw back to get air and I couldn’t stop touching her. I ran my hand up and down her arm, my fingers flexed against the small of her back, and I dipped my head to kiss the soft skin on her shoulder. Her head fell to the side and she rose on her toes to align our bodies more closely. I’m not sure how it happened but the hand on her arm moved to cup her breast and her mouth opened in a wordless moan.  I felt her nipple harden beneath the fabric as I ran my thumb over it and she shivered. 

I moved back to her lips, capturing her lower lip between mine, and I nipped it slightly.  She jerked in my arms and tugged my hair trying to deepen the kiss. There was chiming in the room and I briefly wondered who was calling. It was only moments later when I realized it was the alarm on my watch. I groaned as I pulled my lips from hers and slid both arms around her waist.

“I have to get…” It took me two tries to speak properly. “I have to get you home. I promised you.”

“Okay.”  She whispered and pulled my head down to kiss the corner of my mouth. Her nose wrinkled and I gave her a questioning look. “Cigar smoke.”

“Wait in here and not a word,” Audrey muttered and pulled out of my arms. “That’s my father out there and he must have been watching for me to do this.”  

I followed her over to the door, stepping behind it, and she opened the door.  

“Daddy?”  Audrey stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut, and locking it with the key. 

“Audrey,” Ben said smoothly. “Is Agent Cooper in there? Were you planning on sleeping here?”

“No, Daddy,” Audrey sounded completely exasperated.  “Daddy, I only slept in there twice since he left. I told you nothing has ever happened between me and Agent Cooper.”

“Your brother tried to burn that bed,” Ben said furiously. “Well to be fair that was after you checked yourself out of the hospital five minutes after waking up from a coma.  You then proceeded to march into the woods to save your Agent Cooper.”

“To save Agent Cooper and Laura,” Audrey said soothingly and I could almost see her patting his arm. “Daddy, remember we’ve been over this.  I helped Laura get an angel and now she’s at peace.”

“Well where is he?”  

“I’m certain he’s gone out to wait for the car to be brought up,” Audrey sighed. “Now, Daddy why don’t you escort me down to say good-night to Johnny before he goes to bed.”

“I still think I should talk to him.” Ben grumbled.

“Daddy, please don’t make me shoot you,” Audrey said firmly and giggled. “I am required as an officer of the law to still carry and despite this pretty dress I am.” 

There was something in that giggle that was Ben’s undoing his voice softened, “Right, fine. You do look very lovely Audrey.  At some point we’re going to discuss the twelve hundred dollars’ worth of wine you stole from me tonight.”

I leaned my head back against the wall and ran a shaking hand over my face. I thought Audrey was in a coma and that’s how she got to me.  She marched into the forest but the window should have been closed. I hadn’t known because I hadn’t asked—that’s why Harry had been so angry with me at the hospital.  I quickly holstered my gun, exited the room, and made my way to the valet. Audrey arrived at the same time the car did and she gave me a puzzled look as I escorted her to the car and helped her in. 

“Dale?” Audrey touched my hand before I could shut the door. “Is everything okay?” 

“Everything is fine, Audrey.” I dipped my head and brushed my lips against hers. “Just trying to keep a promise.” 

She nodded, seemingly reassured, and I carefully shut the car door.  I made my way around to the driver’s side, taking a quick glance down at my watch; we had twenty-five minutes to make to get home.  Home, I couldn’t help but wish that it was home and one that I had never left.  I put the car into drive and headed out of the Great Northern Parking lot. 

“Audrey,” I glanced over and saw her reflection in the window before sliding my hand over to tangle our fingers together. “Would you say this was a successful first date?”

“Dale Cooper,” She smiled at me and her voice had a dreamy quality that I recognized. “I would classify it as very successful.”

“Good,” I smiled in the darkness and tentatively asked. “Would you like to have dinner with me, Wednesday night at the Lamplighter Inn?”

“Yes,” Audrey laughed. “They have really good pie.  It’s a date.”

We drove the rest of the way in silence and I kept one eye trained on the clock.   It was eleven fifty-five when we pulled into the driveway.  She went ahead to unlock the door and I carried in the box of stolen wine bottles.  We worked together to unload the wine and when she reached in to get a corkscrew out I just raised my eyebrow. 

A single wine glass was obtained from the cupboard over the stove and she tucked a bottle of wine under her arm. 

“Audrey?” I tilted my head studying her and I saw she was fixated on the microwave oven clock.  I watched her face go blank and it seemed a veil fell over her eyes as the clock turned to midnight. 

She stood there frozen for a moment so I bent my head to kiss her cheek and whispered, “Happy Birthday.”

“Good night, Dale.” She pushed past me and I couldn’t move until her bedroom door shut. 

I heard the low growl of thunder in the distance and stood headed into the living room to see if I could find something to read. 

It was going to be a long night. 


	8. The Thunder Has Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While a storm ranges outside-Cooper and Audrey are caught in the middle of her storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the fantastic Lynzee05 for all of her tense catches and glorious feedback. The chapter title is taken from a line in the song The Storm is Going to Come by Peter Faccini. This song just kind of had the dramatic element I wanted for this chapter.

I seemed to be fixated on the passage of time.  Three hours and twenty minutes had passed since we arrived back home and Audrey had retreated to her room.  Three hours and ten minutes since I changed into my pajamas, tried to find something to read, started the first pot of coffee.  The first series of storms rolled through two and half hours ago and I could hear the low rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning from the next storm coming over the mountains in the distance.  Two hours ago Audrey had come out for another bottle of wine, she stared at me for several minutes, but when I asked her to sit down with me she simply ran her fingers through my hair and headed back to her room. 

It was three thirty in the morning. I had walked up and down the hall, past Audrey’s room several times, and I couldn’t help but smile at her eclectic taste in music.   I wanted very badly to knock on the door to let her know I was worried, that I was there for her to talk to, and yet I hadn't worked up the courage to do so.  This was more than her getting shot last year on her birthday and it was more than just bad birthdays. I understood Audrey getting stuck in the darkness, probably better than Harry or Albert could have anticipated, but until she stopped trying to numb herself and let herself feel the pain she would never celebrate her birthday. I couldn’t help but find that tragic.  

I went to take a drink of my coffee and found that it was lukewarm. As I was thinking about topping off my mug I heard Audrey shout several obscenities from her bedroom. I was on my feet and down the hall in a flash, and I flung open the bedroom door to find Audrey in a small heap on the floor.   At first, I thought she was crying and moved towards her to gather her in my arms; however, when she looked up at me I realized she was actually laughing.  The laugh was troubling, completely mirthless, and her eyes still looked haunted.   

“Are you okay?” I asked and extended my hand to help her stand up.  

“I fell off the bed,” She scoffed. “I was coming to get more wine but first I needed to put my…” She paused and looked confused for a moment before attempting to snap her fingers. “The thing—the thing you wear to bed. “

I arched my eyebrow and tried to keep myself from smiling, “Pajamas?”

“Yes, pajamas.  You, Dale Cooper, are very wise.” She muttered and took my hand. “I have a problem.”

Once she was on her feet she steadied herself and pointed at me, “You stay there. I will be right back.”

I opened my mouth to speak, willed my feet to follow her instead of remaining frozen in place, and I pondered for a moment what I was thinking when she came back into the room.  I looked her over, noting the bottle of wine in her hand, and the fact that she was still in her dress.  She expertly uncorked the wine bottle and topped off her wine glass.  She held the bottle out to me and I shook my head no before crossing my arms and leaning back against the wall. 

“You’re in my bedroom,” Audrey frowned and sipped her wine. “Why are you in my bedroom?”

“I came in because you were shouting obscenities after you fell off the bed,” I sighed. “Then you told me to stay here because you had a problem.” 

“Right,” Audrey wrinkled her nose and frowned, “Problem. I have so many problems.” She shrugged and took another sip of her wine. “My immediate problem is my hair and dress.” 

“I’m not sure I see the problem, Audrey,” I muttered and quickly looked down at my feet. “Both are beautiful.” 

I was still looking down when I heard her dresser drawers open and the rustle of her skirt as she approached me. 

“Dale, I would appreciate,” She sighed heavily. “I can’t…I mean… I didn’t think the dress through.” 

Thunder crashed and I looked up to see the heavy lightning creating a strobe like effect on the room.  She was standing just a few feet away, leaning on the bed post, and she was holding a red nightgown in her hands. 

“All right,” I ran my hand through my hair and swallowed hard. “What are you talking about?”

She laid her nightgown on the bed and motioned to her hair, “I can’t get all the bobby pins out of my hair and the dress has little tiny buttons that I can’t reach.”

I struggled to wrap my head around what she was asking and it took several minutes of studying her before I realized that she was asking for my help.  She wanted me to take the bobby pins out of her hair, she wanted me to help her undo the buttons on her dress, and before I knew what I was doing I had uncrossed my arms and moved towards her. 

“I can help,” I murmured as I carefully judged her reaction. “Turn around.” 

She blinked several times and I thought I saw a glimmer of surprise in her eyes before she turned around. She stumbled slightly but grabbed onto the bedpost to right herself. I chuckled softly when she cursed under her breath and steadied herself again.

“Dale?” She looked at me over her shoulder,her words slightly slurred. “Do you ever get lonely?”

I lifted my hands to her head and gently turned her head around so that I could look for bobby pins.  The storm continued to thunder on outside, lightning flashed more frequently, and my fingers trembled slightly as I began working the pins from her hair.

“Sometimes,” I mused as I slowly pulled pin after pin out of her hair. “I think I’m just use to being alone.”

Audrey’s head fell forward as I slid my fingers through her hair, searching for more pins, and when my fingers brushed against her ears her entire body trembled.  It was more intensely arousing than I had expected and her hair was as soft as I remembered it.   

“I don’t get lonely because...” Her voice trailed off as I began running my fingers deeper into her hair, making sure I had pulled out all the pins. “I have always been alone.”

“I don’t think that’s true any longer,” I stepped away towards her dresser where I had spotted a brush.  I carefully placed the bobby pins on top and picked up the brush.  “I think you have created a wonderful life for yourself.”

“Hand me my drink,” She touched my arm as I started to pass her. “Please.”

“Are you sure you really…” My voice trailed off when notice her frown deepening. “Sorry, you’re an adult.”

I handed her the glass and I watched her finish it off before she held it out to me.  I studied her closely and set the glass on the dresser behind me before moving behind her again to brush her hair. I had no idea what I was doing since I had never brushed another person’s hair prior to this experience.  I ran the brush through her curls slowly, savoring the feeling of just being close to her. 

“Audrey,” I cleared my throat and whispered. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?  I’ll listen.”

She laughed again but there was no joy in it, “Are you going to get us malts and french-fries?” 

“We could have some coffee, watch the storm, and you could tell me what happened,” I said softly. “I’m not real comfortable leaving you alone.”

“Really?” Audrey tone changed her voice was layered with resentment and anger and I was rather shocked by the venom when she continued. “I’m not a weak-willed, slit-my-wrists kind of girl.”

I stopped brushing her hair and moved to put the brush back on the dresser.  I held my breath for several seconds before letting it out slowly and turning to face her, “Audrey, that’s not what I met and you know it.”

The storm outside seemed to intensify as I stared at Audrey.  Flashes of lightning and claps of thunder were almost simultaneous.  She stared at me, biting her lower lip, and finally she shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes for a moment. 

“Can you just get my dress undone and leave me be?” She muttered and lowered reached behind her fiddling with the collar of her dress.  I quickly moved behind her and stilled her hands.

“I’ll take care of it.” I murmured and squeezed her fingers. “You do realize we are going to need to discuss both our secrets eventually, right?”

“I guess but I can’t…” Audrey sighed and pulled her fingers from my grip. “Not today. I can’t today.”

“Okay, Audrey,” I whispered and gently brushed her hair a side to get to the button on the neck of the dress. “But there’s no guessing about it. We owe it to each other.”

It took me a moment to undo the button at the nape of her neck and when my fingers brushed her bare skin I heard her take a deep breath.  It took all my strength not to dip my head down and kiss her bare shoulder, the soft skin at the base of her neck, and to not whisper the things I wanted to do with her in her ear.  Audrey was intoxicated and in pain, my line of thinking was inappropriate, and I fought against my baser needs as I had done so many times twelve years ago. 

“Where are the other buttons,” I croaked out, my voice was thick with desire, and I could only hope she was too intoxicated to hear it. 

“Down where the material starts. They are itty bitty,” She giggled softly. “Denise buttoned them up for me.” 

“Denise?” I am slightly taken aback remembering that Denise used to be Dennis. “Interesting.”

“It’s not all that interesting,” Audrey replies. “Sexuality and gender identity are two different things.”

I had often forgot how well educated Audrey was and how intelligent she always was.  Her brilliance drew me in even more than her beauty.  She had a unique way of thinking that wasn’t all that unlike my own.   I looked down to see where the buttons were and realized I was going to have to get down on my knees to undo them. 

“True but I sometimes remember her as Dennis and I wouldn’t want—“ My voice trailed off and I quickly kneeled down and began to work free the first button. 

“Are you jealous,” Audrey murmured and jerked slightly when my fingers brushed her back as I worked the first button free. “Dale?”

I closed my eyes for a moment as I worked the next button free, the creamy skin of her back was driving me mad, and her question made the butterflies in my stomach take flight again. 

“Yes,” I confessed and leaned my forehead against her lower back. “But that’s my burden to bear not yours.”

“Why?” Audrey’s voice was husky and I felt her shiver as I opened the last button on her dress. 

I stood up quickly and ran a hand through my hair but before I could respond several things happened at once.  Audrey turned around, pulled her arm out of the sleeve, and let the dress fall around her ankles.  She stepped out of it and took two steps towards me and my breath caught in my chest.  I took in the scar from the bullet she took last year, the scars from her day of civil disobedience, and my mouth watered slightly as I took in her bare breasts.  I groaned out loud and Audrey stepped up and wrapped her arms around my neck.She was only inches from me, and her fingers tangled in my hair. 

“Why, Dale.” She whispered.

My words caught in my throat when she slid her hands down my chest to the hem of my undershirt and tugged it up to remove it.  I’m not sure why I allowed her to pull it up and over my head, my breathing was ragged, and when our eyes met my control snapped. 

“Why?” I half growled and half moaned as I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her to me. “I hate the idea of anyone seeing you…” My voice trailed off when I felt her bare breasts against my chest.

My body stopped listening to my head and a red haze of desire fell over me.  I couldn’t stop myself as I tangled one hand in her hair and tugged her head back and lowered my lips to hers.  Her mouth opened immediately and I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue against hers, and our lips clung together before parting to draw breath only to meet again in another bruising kiss.  Her nails trailed up and down my back and with a low moan I lifted her up.  Her legs came around my waist and she whimpered against my lips as I moved towards the bed.  Her hands tangled in my hair and when I lowered her on the bed she parted her legs so I could settle between them.   She gasped for air as I tore my lips from hers trailing a line of kisses from her jaw, down her neck to the soft skin where her neck and shoulder met, and I suckled and nibbled there leaving a reddish bruise.  My hand slid down to cup her breast and I moaned when she jerked her hips up to brush against my erection.  Our mouths met again, my hand massaged her breast, and our tongues imitated what my hips were doing.  I was overwhelmed by the sensation of only having a thin pair of undergarments and a worn pair of sweatpants between us and my eyes rolled back in my head as she hooked her leg over my thigh. Over and over I rocked against her, capturing her moans with my mouth, and pushed hard against her as I bent and captured her nipple between my lips.  Her back arched as I suckled her when she whimpered my name I brought my lips back to hers to captured my name on her lips. 

I shook the haze off slightly and realized how close I was to ripping off her little black panties and taking her right then and there.  I wanted to take her hard and fast with no thought to the future only thinking about right now. It took a strength I didn’t know I possessed to tear my lips from hers and in between ragged breaths stop us before this went past the point of reason.

“Not like this, Audrey,” I sighed and kissed the corner of her mouth. “Not when you’re hurting.”

I wasn’t expecting her to roll us over so that she was on top of me and I wondered in exactly what training she had learned that move.  The thought was fleeting and when she ran her hands over my stomach and up to my shoulders and back I know my eyes rolled back in my head.  

“I want you,” She dipped her head to place a kiss at the base of my throat. “I need you.”  Her mouth was on my neck, worrying the flesh between her lips and grazing it with her teeth. “Please.”

I reached for her nightgown at the foot of the bed with my hand, and moaned softly when her lips fell on mine again.  I struggled to get control over myself and with what I can only call a Herculean effort I a managed to keep my eyes closed and whispered through clenched teeth, “Not like this, Audrey.” 

I felt her snatching the nightgown out of my hand and knew she put it on when I felt the silk brush against my stomach.   I laid there my mouth hanging open slightly for several minutes as she scrambled off me and shut the bathroom door.  I sat up and was just about to step out of her room when she came out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. 

“I should have known,” she said softly, “I should have known you didn’t want me.”  

I said nothing as she poured another glass of wine and downed half of it in one drink.  Her nightgown was distracting and it wasn’t doing anything to dispel my erection.   She looked at me, our eyes met, and I saw a well of pain reflected in hers. 

“You are all logic and no emotions when it comes to me, Spock.” Audrey sighed sadly. “You wanted Annie and not me. I should have known then but tonight…” her voice trailed off. “It’s never me. Why wasn’t it me, Agent Cooper?”

“Audrey,” I moved towards her and stopped while she filled her glass again and downed it. “It was always you.”

She scoffed, “You don’t want me.  You never wanted me.”

She set her glass down made her way to the French doors in her bedroom, thunder crashed again when she opened the doors and the wind caused her nightgown to flow backwards.  I moved quickly, wrapped my arm around her waist, and hauled her back against me. 

“Do you feel that?” I growled into her ear and shifted against her. “I’m all emotion and no logic when it comes to you?”

I took her wrist and dragged her hand to the erection that tented my sweatpants. I held her hand against it, letting her feel what she does to me, and slowly moved her arm back to her side. 

“Every day for the last twelve years,” I pressed my lips to her ear my voice was low and urgent. “I have wanted you. I’ve wanted to touch you, taste you, and bury myself inside you.  But not today, not on a day that causes you so much pain. I want to do this when things are right between us. I won’t have you associating another moment of pain with me.”

I felt something wet drop against my arm and it was too warm to be rain. I felt her sniffle and I tried to turn her around to look at me but she refused to budge. 

“Sorry, Dale,” She whispered, her voice catching on what sounded like a sob. “Everything always goes to hell on my birthday.”

She pulled herself out of my arms and moved on to the porch.  The wind on the lake had picked up and large forks of lightning split the sky. I followed after her and stood beside her watching the water. 

“You know, Harry arrested me on my nineteenth birthday,” Audrey said softly. “Actually me and Albert. Albert stopped me from going into the pool at the top of the falls.  It looked so inviting and I was so drunk.  I thought swimming might wake me up.” 

“Sounds dangerous.” I murmured as lightning struck the lake in the distance. “Why were you drinking?”

“John. Justice. Wheeler,” She responded, pausing between each word. “I gave myself to him and he left.  He told me he loved me and left. He wasn’t even the one I wanted but the one I wanted didn’t want me.” 

I swallowed hard, gulping past the lump in my throat, and my heart screamed to tell her the truth. 

“Hadn’t he left months before?” I said softly. “He was gone before the Miss Twin Peaks Pageant.”

“That’s not why I was drinking. The bastard was married and his friend being killed was a ruse for his wife going into labor.  I was studying in my father’s office and found the birth announcement.”   Audrey chuckled softly without humor. “Happy Birthday to me. I felt like a fool so I decided to drink whiskey.”

“How did Harry come to be involved?” I watched as another lightning bolt danced across the black sky and the heavens reopened with rain. 

“Albert saw me steal the bottle of whiskey but he didn’t interfere until I was drunk enough to start stripping.”  Audrey wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Albert, I ruined his evening but he held my hand and drank whiskey with me until Harry arrived and arrested both of us.” 

I made a mental note to ask Albert and Harry about that on Tuesday and I waited for Audrey to continue.   Garland came out of the house and planted himself between us.  Audrey’s hand came down on his head and she stroked his fur before continuing.  

“I made several unhealthy choices after that.” She sniffled. “Looking back I realized I was hitting what I refer to as the self-destruct button; however, from a psychological standpoint I was a lonely woman, who threw herself into school, and I had nothing else in my life.” 

“Audrey, that wasn’t true,” I reached over and was startled when Garland growled softly. “You are intelligent, witty, stubborn, and you were so brave. I have never met anyone like you.” 

“I didn’t see that, I couldn’t see that, I had been left one too many times” Audrey spit out. “So I did things that would make a sailor on leave blush but I never brought anyone back to Twin Peaks.  On my twentieth birthday, I was at a popular club near campus, and I was tipsy.” Audrey took a deep breath, her voice hitching.  “Albert appeared out of nowhere, hauled me out of there, and threw me in his moving van before I could say anything.  Albert was borderline cruel but he woke me up—He called you a few choice names too.”  

She pushed herself away from the porch railing and went inside her bedroom.  I stood there for several minutes wondering if I should follow her.   She came back outside a few minutes later with her bottle of wine and she took a long pull from it.  

“Audrey,” I scooted closer to her and when she looked at me. “Hand me the bottle please.”  

Her eyebrow arched and she wordlessly handed it to me.  I looked straight ahead as I took a drink from the bottle and watched more lightning flashing in the distance.  I enjoyed the taste of what was a very good vintage flow over my taste buds before handing the bottle back to Audrey.  We were both quiet for a moment and I ran a hand through my hair. 

“Can you go on?” I whispered. “I know there has to be more. Albert alluded to something that caused Bobby’s hair to turn gray.” I shivered slightly as the wind kicked up. “Are you warm enough?”

She didn’t appear to have heard me and I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye.  She was trembling, her fingers where shaking, and she only calmed when Garland put his full weight against her.  

“Bobby took me out for shots,” She sighed, lost in her memory. “I was twenty-one and we were going to dance and get drunk.  Bobby—I was safe with Bobby.  He was my friend and he was missing Shelly. So we went to the Roadhouse.”

She jumped slightly when thunder seemed to crash right over us and she turned slightly to face me, “Are you sure you want to hear this?” She took a drink from the bottle of wine and then set the empty bottle in one of the patio chairs. 

“Yes, continue please.” I reached out to take her hand but she wrapped her arms around herself. 

“We were doing shots of tequila, it’s funny I saw Albert when I came in.  He and Harry always seemed to be around on my birthday.”  She smiled when she mentioned Albert and Harry. “I was showing Mike how to do my cherry stem trick and he asked me to dance.” 

I cleared my throat and shifted at the thought of Mike Nelson holding her in his arms because he had been one angry young man. I remember hearing about how he man-handled Donna and I had known that he had much larger problems than anyone realized.  

“Apparently all my little games pushed Mike too hard because when we were on the dance floor he got very touchy.  His hands were on my breasts, on my thighs, and I couldn’t get away.  Fucking damsel in distress.” She growled. “I hated being helpless but I fought until Mike backhanded me.  Bobby came out of nowhere and tackled Mike.”

“Go on,” I watched her closely, her eyes were shut, and she swayed. “Audrey?”

“Mike quickly took the dominant role and before anyone could separate them Mike nearly beat Bobby to death.” Audrey wiped at a tear trailing down her cheek. “It took four men to pull Mike off of Bobby.” 

She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, “Albert, threw me over his shoulder and took me home.  We waited for Harry there.  Did you know after you stopped being my friend I use to have breakfast with Albert?  At first I started hanging around him because he was a tie to you and I annoyed him just like I annoyed you.” She smiled seemingly lost in a memory.  “Until I walked into Sheriff station with a plan to save you then he changed how he looked at me.  We became friends, strange sort of friends, but good friends. I love him and Harry.” 

I nodded and I wondered how she got the impression that she annoyed me.  I was harsh with her when I told her about Caroline but I hadn’t told anyone in Twin Peaks before Audrey.  I treated her like a child the night she called me from One-Eyed Jacks.  The terror was so real to me when I heard her voice I just wanted to know she’d be there for breakfast and when she didn’t show up… I jerked myself out of the memory. 

“They love you too.” I said softly and her eyes flew open and met mine. “You know that right?”

She didn’t respond and she began pacing on the porch. She was twisting her hands around each other, she had a lost look in her eyes, and the wind was causing her hair to flow in every direction.  I wasn’t sure if she was going to continue when suddenly she started speaking. 

“I decided that night that I wasn’t a damn damsel in distress,” She spit out angrily and stopped in front of me. “I was never going to need you or anyone to rescue me again.”

“I didn’t give you enough credit— “I started and she poked me in the chest causing me to fall silent. 

“That isn’t the point, Dale, but no you didn’t,” She scowled. “I faced my fear, I counseled Mike when he was in prison. I learned martial arts, boxing, and I learned how to shoot.  Once I joined the force I convinced Hawk to work with me, teach me the longbow, teach me how to throw a knife, and Agent Dale Cooper I don’t need anyone to rescue me—I rescue myself.” 

There was fire in her eyes as her words rang out against a crash of lightning and thunder.  She looked wild, slightly unhinged, and I was stunned when she seemed to cave in on herself.  She staggered back and lowered herself in one of the patio chairs.  I moved quickly to kneel in front of her but I was quickly knocked aside by Garland.  He laid himself across the arm of the chair, over her lap, and she quickly wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his fur. I could hear her breathing, her leg bounced up and down, and I was certain if I checked her heart rate that it would be way above normal. 

I watched silently as her entire body shook, as she gasped for breath, and I couldn’t help but feel helpless.  I knew she had to be cold, the wind was coming off the lake, the mist from the rain was blowing onto the porch, and I went inside and grabbed the throw blanket at the foot of her bed.  When I came back out her breathing had slowed but she was still trembling and clutching at Garland.  I bent down beside her and tucked a few long curls behind her ears. 

“Audrey,” I whispered and kissed the top of her head. “Please let me help you.”

Audrey slowly took her arms from around Garland and wrapped them tightly around my neck.  Her face was pale, her eyes wet with tears, and she continued to shake.  I slowly worked her free from Garland who whined as I lifted her into my arms before settling into the chair with her on my lap.  I reached down and picked up the blanket and covered her with it and she buried her head in my neck.  Garland whined again and moved closer, laying his head on my leg, and I held Audrey as tightly as I could in order to do for her what she did for me in the hotel room.  I wasn’t sure how long I had been holding her when before she took a shuddering breath and I barely heard her over the storm when she spoke. 

“I failed on every possible level last year.” She slid one arm from around my neck to seek out my hand under the blanket.  She twined her fingers with mine and I ran my thumb over hers. “I didn’t have much hard evidence on Uncle Jerry.  We had to catch him in the act.”

“Harry told me that you saved his life,” I whispered. “Of course he didn’t tell me what happened until I arrived here.  I wouldn’t call saving Harry’s life when you had already been shot a failure.”

“I was arrogant,” Her voice broke and I felt a single tear drop hit my shoulder. “I thought he wouldn’t shoot me because of my father. I was wrong and then he shot that little girl.  He shot her in the head before Hawk could—“  Her voice trailed off on a sob and I kissed the top of her head and she continued to choke out her story. “She was nine years old. I counseled her and helped her get into a decent foster home.  Jerry looked right at me and grinned then pressed the gun up to her temple and pulled the trigger.” 

I was thunderstruck and I could only imagine the trauma of watching a child get shot.  Audrey liked to show a tough exterior but she was all heart and she sounded as if her heart was breaking all over again.  Audrey was a natural caregiver and I had seen that over and over when I was here twelve years ago and I’ve seen it since I’ve arrived.  Harry and Albert should have prepared me for this and I’m more than a little frustrated that they didn’t.  I kept hold of Audrey’s hand and stroked her knuckles as she kept whispering that she failed against my neck.   

“Audrey can you look at me,” I was able to croak out after several minutes. “Please look at me.”

She lifted her head from my shoulder and I took in her tear-stained face.  I wanted nothing more than to take her pain away, to make that haunted look in her eyes fade, and lowered my head to rest my forehead against hers. 

“It’s not your fault,” I said firmly. “I’ve been there, Audrey. I understand everything you are feeling.  The rage, the pain, the sorrow, the loss, and the fear.” 

“How? How can it not be my fault,” Her voice is soft and small like she has no defenses left. “He shot her because of me.”

“It’s not your fault and you couldn’t have saved her, Audrey.” I sighed. “He killed her to hurt you, to damage you, and now he has a power over you that changes everything.”

“What power,” Audrey whispered. “I’m so tired, I want this not to hurt anymore.”

“Fear of living. That’s the power he has over you,” I said softly and raised my head, hoping she would follow, and when she did our eyes locked.  “Fear of being hurt, fear of someone you love getting hurt, fear of losing everyone...do I need to go on?”

She kept her eyes locked on mine and I could see all emotions crashing like waves against the shore and her hand tightened on mine. I saw the question in her eyes, wondering how I could possible know all of that and I took a deep breath and said two words. 

“Windom Earle.” 

“Oh,” She whispered and I tightened my arms around her. “You understand then?  Why I hate my birthday?”

“It has to end Audrey,” I bent and kissed her cheek. “You can’t let the past ruin the future. I spent too many years—well it’s too much to get into this morning.  Audrey, Harry and Albert will be here in a couple hours.  How about you rest for a bit?”

“Okay,” She whispered and slowly stood, shivering in the cool morning air, and she twined her fingers with mine. “Will you stay with me?  At least until I fall asleep? I promise to behave.”

“Yeah,” I stood up and grabbed the throw and carried it in with us. “Why don’t you get ready for bed?”

She closed the bathroom door and I went back to my room to use the bathroom myself, grab the pain relief, and I quickly moved to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.  I couldn’t help but be nervous—I hadn’t shared a bed with anyone, at least not for sleep, in years. In fact, I truly could not remember a time where I shared a bed with a woman for the sole purpose of rest.   I don’t recall anyone ever staying the night except for that lost weekend in a hotel while I was finishing college. This was a sort of intimacy that I had never experienced in all reality.    I moved down the hallway slowly, my heart racing, and I took a deep breath before I entered Audrey’s bedroom and pulled the door shut. 

She was standing by the bed and staring at it, she turned when I shut the door, and I held out the glass of water to her.  She smiled as she took it from my hand and I passed her the pain reliever. 

“I think you’re still going to have a hangover in the morning,” My voice cracked and she arched her eyebrow at me. “Sorry, I…I am a bit out of sorts. I haven’t shared a bed with anyone in a long time.”  

My confession seemed to take a weight off of her and I watched her shoulders relax as a look of relief came over her face, “I’ve never shared a bed with anyone at least not to sleep and I’ve never shared this bed.  I’ll just drink myself sober later so the hangover won’t happen.”

She said it all very quickly and I could see her cheeks turning crimson in the low light.  I moved towards the bed and pulled back the comforter and sheets.   My fingers trembled but I moved around the other side of the bed and I met Audrey’s eyes over the bed that was now between us.  I waited for her to get in and once she did I joined her, pulling the sheet and blanket over both of us, and she turned off the light. 

“Will you hold me,” Audrey whispered. “I’m not trying to seduce you, Dale.” 

I took a deep breath and scooted closer to her, dragging the pillow along with me, and I pressed myself up against her back.   I slid my leg between hers and put my arm over her middle and rested it on her stomach.  She scooted backwards so she was flush against me and my heart raced in the darkness of the room.  Her arm lined with mine and her fingers fumbled to thread through mine as they rested on  her stomach. I laid there in the darkness, my feelings overwhelming me, and I barely heard her when she spoke again. 

“Dale,” Her voice was soft and heavy with exhaustion. “What would you have done if you had known I had been shot?”

“I would have come,” I said into her ear. “I would have come right away, no matter what I was doing. I would have come.”

She squeezed my hand and whispered, “Good night, Dale.”

“Good night, Audrey,” I kissed the soft skin just next to her ear and her fingers tightened on mine. 

I knew this was going to be more of a nap than real sleep, that I was likely to wake up to find her drowning her sorrows again, and yet I felt complete.  It was if a switch had been turned in my life, as I laid there holding her, and it was like nothing I had ever felt before.  I couldn’t identify it in a real way but the closest thing I could related to was after I had walked home from Boy Scout camp and arrived home.  That was the only way I could describe it—I was home. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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